yes, that is my child....

chilly had his preschool program today. in all their many many differences, this is one where harry and chilly really do stand out. harry spent the majority of his school program with his back to the audience. and although he knew the songs, no amount of coaxing from his super sweet teacher, me, or grandma could get him to even look at us. i was mortified. stage fright.

chilly on the other hand, i believe, was the center of attention. he demanded it. when he wasn't singing, he was jumping, playing, talking loudly, picking his nose. he was trying to pull his hair out, talking to his friend. jumping with the songs, or just plain laying down on the job. he wasn't so afraid of anything. in fact, my 'mean" face did nothing in trying to calm him down. he was happy, carefree chilly. and i was mortified yet again

in both of these cases, i felt the eyes of the other parents on my child. thinking "why doesn't his mom do something" and in both cases i pleadingly looked around and asked "what?" what could i do? here's my kid giving everything he could.

i'm sure in both cases, it seemed worse to me than it actually was. chilly was only reprimanded once or twice. the whole of the program had me squirming in my seat.

it's not to say that i don't appreciate my sons personalities. i totally love my rock star 4 year old, and my general authority 7 year old. they make me laugh daily. and i can assume that at least some of the parents were wishing their boring child was a bit more like mine.

you can't really tell from these pictures, how big of a ham he was. i hope big d can post some video of it for you. it really is very crazy.

ever done this?

i had turned the oven on to warm up a bit before i stuck the rollo covered pretzels in to melt. problem was, i forgot that i had candied popcorn hidden from the kids in the oven. the funny thing is that i smelled it before i realized what i had done.

"something smells like burning plastic..ohhhhhaghhhhhh!!!"

i opened the door and the plastic bowl had melted in on itself. the red candied popcorn had melted everywhere covered in the plastic from the bowl. it was dripping on to the oven floor. i cautiously flung the remains of the bowl to the sink and drippy popcorn syrup went everywhere. all over the counters, the cabinets. red sticky ooze covering everything... and of course, it dropped on the oven door, sizzling sweet popcorn.

the whole house was smoky. that acrid burning plastic smell. the boys ran and opened every window they could, turned on all the fans (including the ones in the bathrooms). fussy was trying to get to the oven door. the phone was ringing.

strap fussy to his high chair and feed him something sweet. send the boys upstairs to monitor the smoke problem. forget the ringing phone.

i took the oven racks out to clean them off, and as they cooled, the melted plastic cooled. it formed a nice sheath around the racks, sealing off any possibility of cleaning it easily. i scraped the floor to the oven, and the door. i scraped with all my scraping might. but there are some things you just can't get off when it is burning hot. i took out the knives and sawed through the cooled plastic on the oven racks.

the sad part is, i've done this before. when will i learn that hiding things in the oven is not wise? in the end i lost my favorite popcorn bowl, and a good amount of tasty candied popcorn.

to break it up

i've decided to start posting random pictures i think you'd get a kick out of. just for fun. let me know what you think....

this is me in san fransisco 10 years ago on my honeymoon.

here's one of big d in alcatraz.

notice how young we look. i guess because maybe we were.

traditions

seeing santa at the ward party...

and gingerbread houses

and last, but not least, baby in the tree...

what holds you back?

i recently read an article about monks. monks who run. i run. i try at least. i've been seriously running for most of year now. and before that, it was on and off.

back to the monks.

these monks would run 300 miles in 30 hours. i can't even imagine how impossible that would be for me. but that is the stickler. it isn't impossible.

the article goes on to explain that a good runner, can distance himself from time, from pain, from all those things that make you think you are crazy, and just run. see there is this point where physically we can't do any more. our muscles will give out, our bones could break. our hearts would just stop. but the good news is that doesn't happen because our brain sets up a system of safety nets that stop us from getting to that ultimate limit. the problem is, we say to our little brain that the limit is at the first sign of something uncomfortable. and then we stop. give up.

originally i read this article as a runner. i wanted to use it. i wanted to see if i could really ever get to that point of running a marathon.

then i saw the lesson in the lesson. how many times do we let our brain limit us. just by thinking about what we can't do, maybe we limit ourselves on what we really can do.

i guess the main trick is to have something to focus on. whether it be the mountain in the distance, the clock on the wall, the baby asleep. just as long as i can focus my mind on that one thing, my feet will carry me there. give it a read. i hope it inspires you too.

see the article here

5 years ago

no, it isn't an anniversary of a birth, or a death, or anything else important. 5 years ago we moved. not to this house. to the house before this house. a manufactured or "move in" or "mobile" house.

we started in 2000, we signed contracts in 2001,we moved just before the end of the year in 2002. we legally bought it in 2003. we moved out in 2005. it involved big d working on the house many weekends. building lots of different things. it involved sleepless nights wondering how we were going to afford it, sleepless nights wondering if we were going to stay married. it involved being lied to by different people that we trusted. lots of lies, lots of evasive phone calls. lots of stress. at least 20k that is still missing, although we are pretty sure we know where it went. and it wasn't over when we moved in. in fact it seems to never be over

it really is like a wound, a deep cut that probably did need stitches. one little slice and it is open and gaping again. it's funny how i told myself i was over it, but it seems to always be there. little things that i remember coming back. little things coming to light. things are starting to fit into place, and after 5 years i am starting to understand a few things. i don't know which is worse, knowing about it now, or staying ignorant of the truth.

anyway, nothing big or fancy. just a moment in my life. a time where i wish i would have taken a different option. not that i don't learn from my mistakes, it's just that one still smarts on occasion.

check this out!

time to solve the debates! i know these are not the best pics, but they work in a pinch ya know? i'm sure big d can get all technical and figure out better ones. maybe i'm just lazy.....anyway for the enjoyment of family and friends....

i had totally meant to do a thanksgiving post. on my early run on thanksgiving, i went sans ipod and thought of all the things i'm thankful for. my family was pretty much top on the list. big d, my kids, my parents, running shoes, you know, yada yada yada...

not to pass over my favorite holiday without much fuss, but you know, been there done that. thanksgiving dinner at my parents was the same...delicious. more food than you could ever eat. we tried, we darn near busted our guts, but we failed. meemer mom is an excellent cook. family was together and gracious. pleasant afternoon in all. i am very thankful for that.

and now it's over.

*sigh*

the christmas season has begun.

*sigh*

the time of year that involves stressing over what to buy everyone, stressing over what's left in the checking account, and stressing over making sure we "do" all the fun things. stressing over sharing times with each family. stressing over lighting the house with a billion fancy twinkle lights. stressing over finding that freaking bumblebee transformer that is on both of my older boys christmas list. stressing what to bake. stressing over where to put the tree. stressing over what to do for neighbors, teachers, the milkman.

i've a headache that started thursday night, and i assume it will be with me until january 2nd.

fussy and the power of no

this video has no sound, but i hope you can figure out what is going on. fussy is sitting by the doggy water and i keep telling him no.

didja know big d has a bloggie? he does, and although it is boring and silly, like my blog, it also has information that mine doesn't. if you want to, go ahead and stalk him for a while...
visit big d's blog here

running my own race 5k

before the race:

big d left me in the dust! way to go mr 22:09. i came in at 24:14. just enough after for him not to get my picture.

and after:

here's big d's little sister who ran the race as well. she came in at 27!!

video of fussy

here is what i am talking about. nevermind the fact that he started fussing, and it's a bit wiggly. it's my first video off my lame-o camera.

just a couple of things...

First:chilli has been anxious to play with friends all week. i think the fact that brother went back on track at school has something to do with it. however excited he is though, he probably will not be going back to the next door neighbors house. his little friend there decided to beat him with a stick. apparently. he is bruised and bloody and i think a chat with neighbor child (aka spawn of satan) is probably in order. poor kid.

B. fussy is mobil. much more than he has been. he doesn't crawl, but more scoots. on his bum. i've been waiting for him to crawl for a while. not really in a good way, but in a "boy we are in trouble when he crawls" kind of way. we have 3 sets of stairs in our house. three. and dog food.

he loves the dog food dish and insists on drinking the water from it. flat faced. he does this in the tub too. it is pretty freaky to see my baby face down in the water. he loves to be with his brothers too. although i think they get a little tired of him.

and three ( i know i said couple, but it's my blog) , the show opens on FRIDAY. thank goodness. i've never been a good single parent. and even though big d will still be working crazy hours, we might actually see him before the door hits him on the way out. the kids might remember who he is! and if we get surprise visitors, we might actually be able to hang out with them.

and what's a blog post without a couple of random pictures??

happy birthday!

to my niece. i hope you don't mind if i post a few pictures of the girl. it is kind of weirding me out that she is 14 years old. i remember seeing her on the ultrasound! she is such a great kid too. she tells me that she doesn't think i'm old. maybe she is just being nice, but it doesn't matter. i'm pretty sure she thinks i'm nuts, but she will still im with me. she shares campy vampire literature with me too! i'm a lucky auntie.

so happy birthday girl. sorry i couldn't go out with you tonight. believe me, it sounded wonderful. bring me back some salsa please! i love you and hope your birthday is great.

so it begins

when harry was a baby, he got sick about january. from february to june he had one ear infection after another. we think it was just one infection that never drained, or the antibiotics never worked. eventually he turned a year, summer came, and it all evened out. i learned to use decongestants and keep him happy if he even started with a runny nose. i also gave him echinacia and alstralgus.

Chilli was a different story. his first ear infection came as a complete surprise when one afternoon, i noticed "goo" coming from out of his ear. after taking him in, we found out that his eardrum had ruptured, and the the junk came out. he was fine after, just fluid was in his ears, for like, ever. we just got his tonsils out in may, along with a marion g romney (myrongotomy) to slice open his ear drums. we were about an inch away from doing the whole tube things. he seems fine now.

poor fussy. sometime during the car ride this afternoon, his eardrum exploded. blood everywhere. i'm not really making this up. at least there was a fair amount of blood where there usually isn't, coming out of his ear. the first thing i thought was "CRAP, he conked his head really hard this morning" then it hit me..."runny nose, fussier than normal. i bet he has an ear infection". so after making it home, finding the dr. finding someone to watch the other yahoo kiddos, waiting in the crowded office for an hour, the dr. told me what i knew already..."he has an ear infection"

*sigh*

at least i kind of know what to expect, right? i hate hate hate ear infections. they scare me. i can't imagine how they feel for the poor babies, much less how to help them. so i did the popular thing to do, i got the drugs. i hope that he tolerates them well. i hope they make the bad bugs go away. i hope the fluid drains out so that the infections can stop. i hope for a lot.

i attribute all ear/tonsil problems to my husbands family. MY side never EVER had any of these kinds of problems. and of course none of these problems would exist right now if big d weren't crazy busy at work, right? so not only am i stressed, worried, worn out, i'm doing it solo! don't worry. i'll get my baby nice and healthy for big d to be home.