top ten reason my weekend rocked

10. eating ice cream that tasted like cheesecake.

we went to coldstone creamery, and although i will probably never ever ever go there again, the ice cream that was cheese cake tasting was yummy. and it had bitty blueberries in them. it was yummy. the price tag was not.

9. going to the women's conference in salt lake with about 20 women from my ward.

including the clique that i've blogged about before. i did feel a bit of an interloper, but i was lucky and got to hang out with some really cool ladies. and one of my favorite young women.

8. hangin in a tahoe with my homies.
well, with the sisters from my ward. i think they probably know me pretty well now. seeing i never shut up. make me the center of attention, and i'll entertain you for ages.

7. the women's conference.
seriously, is Pres. Uchdorf not the most handsome of the G.A.'s? and his talk on being creative really was the highlight of my day, week, month, possibly year.... i'm not sure, but i think he was talking just to me on that one.

6. early morning run on saturday sans jogger stroller.

and it was a beautiful day. seriously.

5. sams club

huge ol' diet coke and an obscene hot dog. 'nuff said

4.seeing big d move the shed with his car

coming home from rehearsal and seeing a rope tied to my mini van, and leading to the shed. the shed was all wacky. i watched big d move it into place using physics and mere brute car power. it was awesome and scary.

3. rehearsal with my boy.

that is right, "Savior of the World"has an extra couple of crazy cast members this year. since harry turned 8, and could legally(?) be in the cast, we decided it might help his self esteem just a titch. it's really been fun re-learning all that music. and i can be extra excited about missing out on yw for the next 3 months. is that bad? oh well.

2. seeing my crazy family and the new puppy.
that puppy was stinking adorable. i want one. i really do.

1. big d made curry for sunday dinner.
it's a cold weather favorite, and although it isn't cold right now, somehow it fit. maybe it is because we all have a cold, or that we haven't had it in forever. i dunno, but it was my favorite part of my weekend. thanks sweetie.

the other day, harry came up to me and asked me if it was scary to ride in an airplane. i thought it was a strange question, after all, we aren't going in any airplanes any time soon. i had quickly answered him "no" and then i asked why. did he think it was scary riding in an airplane.

he told me he thought it would be scary, since he can't ever remember it. i told him that he had done it before, and had slept most of the way. i told him it was like driving a car, only sometimes a little bumpier.

he chewed on that for a while. he came back later and told me that he still thinks it would be scary to be on an airplane. not because it goes up high, or that it goes fast, but because he hasn't done it before. he wouldn't know what to do, or where to go.

i had to agree with him.

right now i'm terrified. as much as i want the world to see me as a calm and collected person slash mom, i'm not.

harry has been having extreme behavior difficulties in his classroom. enough that we considered moving him to another class. we decided not to move him because he was resisting it. we didn't think a move would improve the situation if was going to hate it. his behavior in the last couple of weeks has apparently gone from really bad, to much much worse. and i don't know what to do.

just like that airplane ride where i know everything will likely be okay, but right now i can't imagine how it can be. i don't know if there is any magic fix for these problems. that is so much more scary when it's your own kid.

my dad always said

"you spend a year trying to get them to talk,
and then the rest of your life trying to get them to be quiet"

or something like that.

suddenly our little fussy pants has had an explosion in the whole vocabulary section. he says pretty much anything at this point.

fussy has a cute way of saying "hello". kind of like an old man from the bronx. and then he says "buffalo" like he is busy chewing gum. and he says pretty much everything from "nurse please" to "other side now". to "cows go moo" to "chicken (something something) bok bok bok". the older boys get a kick out of teaching him other words. so now he can say "ewww, yuck!" and "awesome!". and probably a bunch of other words that i am blocking out. he surprised me with "grandpa" the other day. today while we were walking home, he just pointed and told me everything. from "airplane in sky" to "grass" to "flower" to "doggy" to "cat" (at which point he started fussing because the cat ran away.

of course i think he's brilliant

it is fun to see him though. it wasn't so long ago i wished he could tell me what was wrong, and now we are on the edge of that being able to happen.

fair

meaning the state fair

the fairly cool hands on kids activity was awesome. thanks ffa people.

my fairly blind husband. or fairly stupid camera which takes blurry pictures

"that's not fair, i want a turn driving!"
fat lil' piggies getting their fair share
holy f-a-i-r! check out that dudes' horns!
gnarly goat dude showing of his fair facial hair
sweet bunny fair
this chicken pecked me. and that just isn't .,...fair?
what a fine fair day it was too.
i'm fairly alarmed at the proximity of that sheep. says fuss

says big d. the friendliest fair on the farm

can i just tell you how big this cow was. freaking fairly huge
yeah, what he said.
we love going to the state fair. we love seeing the different animals. including the tigers, alligators and such. and the people. glory, how many different types of people we see! lil' fuss had a blast moo'ing at various farm animals, including the cows, chickens, bunnies, piggies, goats. we saw a lot of animals getting hosed down. we also saw a lot of poop. lots of animal poop. and some animals in the act of pooping, which is always intriguing to my kids.

about fuss

looking particularly handsome wearing an old outfit of daddy's
just ignore the bright green diaper please...

at the fair, doing what boys do....coveting farming equipment
this is his normal response to mommy asking him to do something. ... or the reaction to the vacuum
cute smile, huh? this is his normal cheeser right now

and now he has mastered the art of playground equipment. no longer to the slides scare him. only after every successful slide he says "awesome!"


that is my fussy. my baby. not so much a baby anymore.

the natural history of the chicken

have you seen this documentary? if your answer is no, i want you to check your local pbs station and see when it will be broadcast. do it now. "natural history of the chicken". then use your wifty cool tivo (ours is called vcr) to record it because it will be on at some weird time. do that now.

got that?

now when you get it, and then you watch it, come back here and tell me what you think.

what you think about the lady who had a chicken as her favorite pet and would swim in a fountain naked with it. the lady who gave the frozen chicken cpr for 3 hours, and the hippy who likes his whole food.

then you will know how big d spent our evening last night. and it was good. the laughing was cathartic, and the reenactments were just plain entertaining. it was a lovely evening. it was probably the best movie we ever saw. seriously.

so get on that will ya?

have you ever noticed?

that it is impossible to fold sheets perfectly so that they would fit in the little package that they came in?

do they have a big folding machine? if they do, i think i want one for my birthday. folding my king size sheets into somthing that actually will fit in the linen closet is stressing me out. i know, it's sheets! i keep telling myself that. most times i just take em warm out of the dryer and stick them back on my bed. but i didn't have time for the laundry, so i ended up using plan b sheets. now i'm wrestling with the folding of the a team sheets.

11, 19, 25, 8,5,1....

11 years ago i got married. i was 19 years old, and big d was 25. now, we have 3 boys. 8 year old, 5 year old, and 1 year old. we have owned 3 houses, we have moved 5 times, we have had 6 cars. we have had 12 pets. we have had 4 major floods in our basement. 3 loved ones have died.
a lot can change in 11 years.

one thing that hasn't changed is how much i love my big d. and how grateful i am for him. how much fun we've had over the years. how many things we have learned, and how many things await us.

happy anniversary sweetie.

makes me happy

If you get tagged, you have to list 10 things that make you happy. What are the things that tickle your fancy, make you smile or still give you that butterfly sensation? What things do you seek out and truly enjoy? The only rule is that you can't say your kids or your spouse...it's too easy.

so jungleprincess tagged me with this one.

running. this is a love hate relationship. i pretty much love it when i'm done. and i love what it makes me feel like. like the ultimate warrior or something. i can take anything your throw at me, because i can run. and not just run to the mailbox or down the street, but for miles. and miles and miles and miles. as long as there are port a potties, sports beans....

sleeping in. although thanks to running and 3 boys, i rarely get this opportunity. i am going to add naps. i love a good nap, almost as much as sleeping in. with covers though. a nap on top of the bed isn't much compared to a nap with all the fixin's.

this blog. because it makes me laugh, and laughing is close to being happy. but really, check it out.

friends.

animals. yeah, i know. i'm a true animal lover at heart. even though i complain about the dog, the gerbils, the fish, i still love having them around. and i sort of wish i had more...

fresh garden veggies. not only are they good for you, but you kind of equate them to your kids in the proudness factor. like when you boast about your son's reading level and the size of your tomatoes.

technology..."but i still, i love technology, but not as much as you, you see." where would i be without my 'puter, my cell phone, my internet, my key less entry, my camera. my computer. did i say i loved my computer yet? oh yeah, my computer.

my town. i love it here. although i loved it the last place i lived, only not the code enforcers there. they suck. but i love it here. my house, my city, my local walmart. hitting the maverick for some fro yo. yup, i could live here forever. oh, and i probably will.

being outside. as opposed to being inside. i like being outside when it's sunny, or when i'm someplace cool. like yellowstone. or hiking, or fishing, or watching my kids at the park. that kind of thing

theater. or movies. one or the other. i love them both. didn't you know i was ALMOST on broadway, or had an academy award. well, i ALMOST did, or was, or whatever.

and number 11 is my family. my parents, my inlaws, my sisters, my big crazy brother, my nieces, my nephews, my uncles my aunties. my cousins, my kids. my big d. my little family with me as the mommy and big d as the daddy and our 3 crazy and frustrating boys. yup, pure bliss!

oh, i guess i should tag someone....hmmmm, nobody ever reads my bloggy, 'cept my cuzins, maybe big d, and my sissy. and maybe my mom. so there, consider yourself tagged. play along or i'll go over to the corner and cry.

feeling left out

or left behind is not a fun feeling.

i'm going to list mine:

church functions. i'm left out all the time. not on purpose, but because i am forgotten. see, i hovel in with the young women. i'm at church, but for some reason, i never know what is going on in relief society. do i feel bad about it, uh, yeah! i'm a forgotten number, nothing says love like not even being missed. i miss socials and enrichments all the time. not because i don't want to go, but because i don't know they even are happening.

church cliques. yeah, that is right. we all know about them. while i do get the opportunity to go to church with my super cool sister in law, it seems i am just always on the outside just a bit. like when they are all visiting in the hallway. and then the moment i step up to chat, they seem to disband like they saw a roach. i guess that could be me.

neighborhood cliques. pretty much the same as the church cliques, only not actually AT the church. so like when all the kids are on the same soccer team, or baseball team. except my kid. and the coach, totally is the bishop. and they KNOW that my kid wants or is playing the same sport. and they COULD have requested to keep all the kids together. or the running buddy club. like when EVERYONE else in the neighborhood runs, but the moment i mention doing a race together or running in the morning, i get shut down. shot down. whatever. even my own family. so i am super surprised when they are all getting ready to do a race. together. without me.

friends. old friends. high school was an interesting time for me. i wasn't popular (whatever that means, honestly) but some of my friends were. and i did theater and not choir. so i was left out of a lot of jokes, trips, all that stuff. but what has hurt the most was when these old friends get together still. today. close to where i live. like they did to plan our 10 year hs reunion. and i mean these people were my BEST friends. and they never called me. and they still get together without me. and then tell me they want to "get together" but nothing ever comes from it. are they pity-ing me? do they just not like me? probably not, they just don't care. i'm not important enough in their life to warrant a thought. yeah, that one does sting.

family functions. this doesn't happen too much anymore, but there still are times when we don't know about something happening to someone, or that somebody is having a baby, or that so and so got married or what not. yeah, maybe it's our fault we aren't on the calling tree. there has also been information kept from us. why? we don't know. still sucks to be left out. or when we don't get the memo that there is a play date at grandma's. or when we can't afford the play date at grandma's. sucks.

so while i have had my own experience about actually being INCLUDED for once, i guess i should feel heartless. i mean, i have no idea what it feels like, do i?

and i do feel badly that feelings have been hurt. and i cry for all of them. but i can't take responsibility for their feelings, anymore than i can take responsibility for being left out in all the other things. well, maybe if i were cooler, or smarter, or prettier, or nicer, or had girl children, or ate better, or was more spiritual, or richer, or older, or younger, or fatter, or thinner, or bigger busted, or a man, or a kid, or black, or hispanic, or filipino, or callous, or sugary sweet, or more outgoing, or just a different person altogether.

but guess what, i am who i am. and it has taken me a long time to find out that i can't change that. i am me. and no matter what, i'm going to be happy with me. that is my choice. i am going to be happy that i have brown hair, that i am liberal, that i like cold cereal. that i run my ass off everyday by myself, that i don't know half the women in my ward, and that my family forgets about me (us). if i spend my time miserable about the things i'm missing out on, i'm really going to miss out on the real thing for me. you know, a little thing called life...

have you seen this child?

8 years old

brown hair

brown eyes

4 feet tall (and maybe a bit)

50 pounds (maybe a bit less)

last seen in church with his dad and 2 brothers.

uh, well, nevermind

because the whole doggy thing didn't work out. and not because the boys didn't want it to. no, they were pretty heart broken that mommy had allergies to poor lil' soda. it was a sad day at out house with lots of mourning. she was such a cute dog.

i think every experience is a good learning one. we know now we can't just go adopt a baby dog without checking it out first. no matter how cute and snuggly they are, they are not always harmless.

this is what we did....

she's cute huh? the boys fell in love with a 10 week old, deaf (for real) mostly white border collie. we've named her soda.

ever have one of these moments?

where do you something, sort of on impulse. you feel like it is the right thing to do for your family at the time. you justify it several different ways, each one more and more outlandish. then, you get home and think "what the hell did i just do?"

10 years ago...

on big d's birthday of that year, we got news that it was possible that big d could get a job with a dance company in new york city. not dancing of course, but doing what he does in theater. backstage stuff that i completely don't understand. it was an amazing opportunity for big d and being childless we thought it was a great idea. who doesn't want a trip to manhattan.

then big d left for a week. he went apartment hunting with his partner in all of this. the guy that got the other job. it was an amazing experience for big d i think, being without me, hunting for a place to live that didn't have too many roaches. amazingly enough, they found a two bedroom apartment way up on the northern tip of manhattan.

we didn't know if we were going to be back to utah. but to buy our first house, we did the "first time home buyer" thing. and one of the stipulations was "no renters". so we left it in the good hands of big d's and my family. who i think took great care in keeping it the party house. or make out house, or something like that.

i remember the feeling of looking at the nyc skyline after 2 days of driving. it was amazing. and then we totally drove into the city. all the way to the north end. on crazy one way streets. to our apartment building. when we got out of the elevator for the first time, i won't say i was disappointed. more overwhelmed by the smell of nyc. it stunk. but our apartment was clean...mostly. it had a weird showers and ancient tubs. it had bars on the windows and a tiny little kitchen. it had no form of ac. the coolest thing about it though, it was home. and it was in new york.

we spent the next couple of weeks just trying to get into the life of new yorkers. big d went to work via subway, i stayed home and tried to put a house together with a total stranger (the job partners wife) it was very awkward and very strange. it was uncomfortable. but it worked. we spend our evenings or mornings (depending on the day) wandering the city. sort of. we had to find places to shop, food to eat... that sort of thing.

we quickly realized that living that far north on the island put us in an ethnic neighborhood. and while we love different cultures, we were very lost in the dominican way of life. mostly it was the strange food. we never could find normal things at the grocery stores. just a whole lot of weird. expensive weird.

we watched kids play little league. we walked through the park. we sweltered in 90 degrees with 100 percent humidity. we had a blast. we were poor. really truly poor. between our house in utah, and our rent, we were pretty much normal new yorkers. we thrived on dollar store stuff. of which there were about a million dollar stores. we learned to eat soup. we went downtown and looked the shows, but never could afford the tickets.

we went to church in the basement of a girls school. we rode trains and buses. we didn't have a car. we shopped daily at the grocery store because we had to haul it home on foot.

it was hot and weird and nothing like utah. and then september came. and big d went on tour. and my sister came (who will always be the coolest person ever because she was the only person to visit us the entire time we lived there!). we did new york stuff. touristy crap that you only get to do once in a lifetime. big d came home and we learned that our neighbors were moving. and we totally snagged the one bedroom apartment. we moved into our own place in the same building. i would go downtown and just feel the energy. the countless people zooming by me, going to different places all at once. so many different cultures, so many different languages and stories all going on at the same time. it made me feel so small and yet a part of something so big. there was always a street vendor. there was always a nasty smell. there was always somebody doing something. there were car alarms and firetrucks and just noise. there were also boats and trains and airplanes and smog. there were so many people. and it was so lonely at the same time.

that was normal for a while. we were so poor, it was so hard. i can't remember having more fun though. i remember the day we realized we needed to go back to utah. it was a hard choice. we were torn between starting a family and fulfilling big d's dreams.

i still have moments when i am lost in new york. i think about how fun it was, how crazy we were. i get a little homesick for it. i often have dreams about living there. it was such an amazing experience. and it was something that cemented big d and i together. we learned to lean on each other. we learned what we could live without and what was most important. we learned to sacrifice for each other. we learned that our little family is what is the most important thing.

the weekend?

just for the record

even though i think i possibly one day could look like dara torres,
doing 80000 push ups in one day is not the way to do it.

i cannot swim even 1 meter, although i think if my parents had me in swim lessons, i would be winning a gold medal today.

gymnastics are better left to those who are properly trained. besides, nobody cares that i can do a half cartwheel. and my sommersault is definantly a 16 pointer.

running fast down my street doesn't mean i can understand what an 11 second 100 meter is.

as long as i eat ice cream while watching the olympics, i'm never going to look like i am an olympian. crap.

life with fussy....

what happens to fussy when mommy takes a shower late in the day. and big brother is playing gamecube. nobody to fuss too, nobody to play with. i guess it gets kind of boring. the only thing you can do is play with yourself...