chilli

it's been awhile since i blogged anything besides dumb random things. and that is okay by me. sorry, if it isn't okay for you. i've said before that i have been busy, which i have. i've also been suffering from not knowing what to write. i've been blogging for 3+ years. i've been there and done that so to speak.

like the second born. it was his birthday this past weekend. i always feel the poor kid gets left behind, or forgotten. his birthday is the end of may, and he shares it with a couple of cousins. as such, we have a combined thing, and while it is fun, i hope that he never feels like he's the middle child. he's not old enough to do the fun stuff his big brother does, and he's shoved aside from being the sweet baby. mostly because fussy is so demanding. chilli gets the raw end of the deal sometimes.

even with all that, he is incredible. he's learned to read this year at school. he is especially great with coins and math. which is also a bit scary. he loves his teacher and he loves school. i know he is a handfull, his primary teacher tells me all the time about that "he can't sit in his seat!".

besides having endless energy, he is creative. he finds silly games to play. just today he was playing with fussy and they were chickens. chilli loves to dress up. he frequently hums or sings his own theme music. out of the blue he was singing the night in the museum soundtrack. we hadn't watched that movie for months and he started singing it.

chilli is also very social. he has to play with friends. being somewhat of a hermit, it's hard for me to understand. but i see how much better he is, if he has had a chance to socialize. the worst thing you could do to him, is not be his friend.

although he is incredibly chauvenistic, claiming that boys are much better than girls, he is also known to play barbies with the neighbor girl. of course he won't tell me that, but i know. and it makes me giggle.

he loves animals. we went to the zoo the other day, and he told me that he knows what he wants to be when he grows up, a zookeeper.

random pictures

fussy watering the sidewalk. he's quite the little green thumb...
harry's new sand castle. the top is with that new play sand from crayola. the colored stuff. it's pretty cool. he took this picture himself. i think i need to teach him how to zoom.

fussy asleep on the rug. that is sallah from indiana jones in his mouth....

harry on memorial day

i am in the kitchen with my aunt elaine, who's house we were at, when i witnessed this conversation.

harry: aunt elaine...um??? i have a question....

AE: yes

h: um, well us kids...well, we were sort of wondering. i mean, we are all outside playing, and um...well, we want some place to sit. and ya know...um...we kind of want like....a clubhouse....or something....

AE: okay, what do you want?

H: um...welll........ do you have any......wood?

AE (and the rest of us) : WOOD?

*sigh* kids are so funny.

big d was awesome this last christmas. he got me this big mixer. mostly because i've been begging for one for years. i promised i would make home made bread again. i had sort of fallen off the wagon a couple of years ago, due to the fact i didn't have a mixer, so if he got me one, i'd totally be game.

so after christmas, weekly bread making ensued. and it was good. and it felt nice. like a good nice thing that you do when you are a stay at home mom (whatever that means) and you have all this time on your hands, right?

then i realized something. nobody eats bread anymore. well, they do, when it's hot out of the oven, it's a crazy dash. and i won't say that i don't push my kids over to get the warm crusty yummy bread. cuz i do. but that was it. nobody ate sandwiches, or toast. mostly, i would end up throwing moldy un-eaten loaves away.

it's a sad state when you throw away something that you put a lot of love into. and flour, and sugar and yeast, and all that. my kids just aren't bread eaters anymore. nobody really wants a pb&j sammy. or if they do, they want it on a left over bun.

it's sad in a way. and good, because honestly, i really don't have the time every week to make bread. i'm drowning in laundry, and dished and messy house. but i love the feeling of creating something yummy and warm and good for my kids. i love pulling out a fresh loaf and watching the craziness ensue.

so i guess that is the question, what to do? make my life a little easier, or keep up the bread making? probably, i'm gonna just keep on making the bread.

random thoughts

1. it's tradition for harry to do the whole "live long and prosper" thing to me as he exits the van, on his way into school. no, it's not a joke, and yes, he's been doing it for a really long time. and i do it back. mostly with a sigh, because i'm so cool. today i realized that my son, although he may be a geek, doesn't give a care to what anyone else thinks about him. and i think that is cool.

2. orange ice cream. home made orange ice cream on memorial day. i'm so looking forward to it. just because my mom makes it with love (and probably a little bit of frustration).

3. wishing i had as much energy on friday, as i do on monday. being all rested up for the weekend, instead of rested up because of the weekend.

4. we still have about 6 more weeks of school left. so even though everyone else is ready for summer break, we still have plenty of learning left. why on earth do i live here? i say that a couple of times a week.

5. guitar hero world tour is awesome for any budding rock star. including chilli. he rocks as drums. mostly because you can stick it on beginner. waiting for him to grow up is hard work.

6. i wonder if fussy is spoiled, or if he is just mean, rotten, demanding, unreasonable, and spirited. or is being 2 a good excuse for beating up his big brothers.

7. it's really gross how chickens eat their own eggs. kinda like the placenta in my freezer. i was gonna plant it under a tree. but it's still sitting there. if the power goes out for an extended amount of time, that is gonna be really gross. maybe i should get rid of it? probably.

8. i hate yard work. like really hate it. it's like running, but not going anywhere. okay, mostly mowing the lawn is like that. but i don't like it. and weeds. why do weeds grow so fast, but other things don't?

9. my parents are the coolest people ever. and not just because they give away good furniture, but because they buy a lot of furniture and give away a lot. and occasionally, i get some of it. and that is just awesome. like my new front room. even though the sofa is a bit big, it's still cool.

10. i spend way too much money at the health food store buying junk food. like candy and trail mix and stuff like that. it's so contradictory. but we love our healthy junk i guess. and the kid shopping carts. it's like a favorite destination shopping. like sam's club on sampleday.

say hi to my newest friend

meet mr. lime green pool noodle.

and amazingly, my leg is feeling so much better. i feel a little silly rolling around on the floor with a pool noodle, but it works. and the best part? instead of getting a foam roller for $20 at a specialty store. i found mine at walmart for $3.

(i'm gonna go ahead and edit this post, because i'm sure a few of you are wondering what i'm doing on the floor with this thing. and i agree, it sounds just a little dirty. however i'm just gonna say, it's a runner thing. )

curse you h1n1 !

a couple of weeks ago, i received a letter in the mail, from the school district. you know the story, about the whole flu thing. then i got an email. and then i got one of those recorded phone calls.

it was pretty obvious what they wanted, or in fact, didn't want to come to school. sick kids. or kids with any kind of sick. or the appearance of sick. or have recently been sick. or who might could almost be sick. or who have traveled anywhere including, but not limited to, the local wal-mart.

all that was fine, because we were off track. now we are on track, so guess what?

taco woke up today coughing. normally (and i'm totally admitting my bad parenting) i would have drugged him up, or sent a note saying it was allergies. it still might be. but he has a sore throat, and he sounds funny, like he's lost half his voice. so i kept him home.

have i mentioned that crazy race i'm training for?
have i mentioned how beautiful it is right now, this morning, when i would be running 8 miles?
have i mentioned how big d just thought i should leave my almost six year old home alone?
have i mentioned it is supposed to get cold and windy about the time big d will get home from work?
have i mentioned, when big d gets home from work is when i'm gonna have to get my run in.
have i mentioned it is 8 miles.


i mean, i love my kids. i don't really believe in the whole swine flu crap. yet here i am with a moderately moist kindergartner, who is not in kindergarten, but who is now running wild through the house coughing and playing and thinking he is pretty darn cool for not going to school today.

curse you h1n1.

happy mother's day

for mother's day, my dearest son harry gave me a card/booklet that he made at school. it had some questions about me, and harry answered them. some examples...

why is your mom special : she is my mom and she has a talent for cooking and cleaning.

i like it when my mom: helps me with homework, and when she cooks me dinner and lunch.

my mom can do many things! i think she is best at: making me happy.

my mom has a pretty smile! i like to make her smile by: giving her gifts like this card.

my mom is as pretty as: a precious diamond.

my mom is smart, she even knows: how the earth turns


i'd like to tell me mom: how well she cooks

ways we are alike:
we both worry, we like pizza

ways we are different:
she likes to run, i don't. she is mostly funny, i am more serious some times.

then there was this story...
me and my mom watched a roadshow that my mom and dad put together. it was very funny. a lot of people thought it was very funny. the judges gave my momma third place music and dance award, and out of 7 roadshows, she got 3rd place most entertaining show. so she did a great job.

and then there was the stuff he promised to do today...

do the dishwasher
get ready when you tell me
drink all the milk out of my cereal
not yell
and as hard as i can, not tease my brother.

and then there was the creative writing page
M-marvelous
O-oh wow
T-terrific
H-home helper
E-xcellent
R-ules


and last but not least there was a certificate of being the greatest mom

here's why: she cooks excellent meals, she helps me with homework, plans cool stuff for the hollidays, and best of all she loves me.


awe, that melts the heart, doesn't it?

leave a message, after the beep

we are out, we have been for a while. and since we have been away, our house has fallen prey to mischevious little elves who have dirtied it from high to low. and eaten all the food. and we are tired from wrangling kids for the roadshow. so i'm not gonna be around. because i'm tired. and i need to clean up the mess, maybe mow the lawn, and maybe take a nap. yes, it's been a really,really long week.

but i won't leave you without this little gem. harry took this today and i love it. because it looks cool.


but you can leave a message and i'll be back posting...soon...?

this kid

is the perfect mix of boy. he drives me crazy, he is adorable, he is silly, and altogether one of the most fun kids ever. is it because he is the baby and always will be? or is he really that cool?

if you can't say anything nice...

" your baby girl is so cute" (me, just being nice, ya know)

"oh i know, she is a perfect baby"(clueless person)

"that is nice" (me again, nodding my head absently, knowing full well that babies are soul suckers)

"yeah, you really should have a girl"

"yeah, you really should lose 10 pounds"

i mean, really, how do you know what has happened in my life? do you know how long it takes me to get pregnant, how do you know i haven't had my own share of loss, how do you know it has been a long road to get the kids that i actually have here?

and what is the big deal? is there something that says girl babies are better than boys? what if i really like having boys. am i really missing out? and what does that mean, i "need" to have one. am i not complete without a daughter? and do you know if i haven't tried?

i know it isn't said with malicious intent, but i am so done with people assuming my fertility or my reproductive organs are their business.

workin' hard, or hardly workin'?

i know, i'm an inconsistent blogger recently. i've been really trying to figure out a way to blog when i'm asleep, seeing that i might have something interesting to say, and the time to do it. basically big d and i have been either going crazy working on the roadshow or we are waiting to be working on the roadshow. our kids have been at the church for hours at a time. as have we.

so if you have been wondering what all is happening in our lives, and why haven't i said much of anything, well, there you have it.

my niece did take the boys to a movie on saturday, which was really nice of her. i think they saw the monster alien thing. at least from what they have been saying. it really makes no sense when a 5 year old tries to explain something funny he saw in a movie. the two year old has been sick for about a month now. in fact, this morning he woke up bright and early puking. which, of course, was true to form. he has been waking us up every morning at 3am coughing and gaging. he continued to puke for a couple of hours.

and the older kids are off track for one more week. yes, i do know that is the reason the weather has been so cruddy lately. my kids are off track and bored and house bound. wouldn't it be nice to have warm weather... it would be nice for the wasatch back training too.

speaking of, i did a 15 miler training run in the rain on saturday. now if that isn't crazy, i'm not sure what is.

so there you have it. reasons my house is completly a mess, the kids are completly grumpy, and i'm just worn out.

economic recession?

it's a sure sign of our economic problem. today, while cashing a check at the bank, i was denied suckers for my kids. is it time to change banks? or is this frugality a good thing?

easter dog again

what happens when the 8 year old takes the camera

fussy in real life

good, bad, better...

the good news is that harry doesn't need a cast, or crutches or anything like that. he might have some weird thing where his tendon is stronger than his bone, thus creating pain when he is crazy and wild and running. which is most of the time. when he's not playing video games or teasing his brothers. or being the good kid that he is and helping me out. but really, most of the time he is crazy.

the bad news is, fussy has reason to be. in fact, i feel sort of bad now, cuz i can really see the symptoms. i know, hindsight=20/20 vision. but still. remember this post? well, i should have known. double ear infections. and he's been fighting it pretty hard. he actually puked this morning, and hasn't had a good nights sleep (insert my name at the good night sleep thing too) for a couple of days...weeks...whatever.

and the even better news? i absolutely adore my pediatrician. well, he's not mine, but, ya know, my kids? anyway, ONE copay, and he offered to look in fussy's ears. how sweet is that? he's a good doctor and even though i have to go through 2 cities to get to where he is, it's totally worth it.

cleaning off the memory card

apparently my harry has fun with train track. he took these pictures:

and then he had taco take this one, it says, "i made this"

and i took this one as proof to the wildlife we have in our yard. yup, that is some sort of big foul bird. and the dog was where? sleeping on the couch.

so we did this to her. she is greener than the grass. yeah, i know. it's a tradition now. let's dye the dog for easter!

we've had a rough day today. fussy woke up really frustrated. i think he gets upset because i don't understand everything he has to say. but there was something more. he was just, mad with me.

i took the boys off to school, and then fuss and i hit a couple of stores, looking for some things we needed. he was upset the whole time. i found myself getting more frustrated as the time went on. i knew most of it was because people would stop and stare, and a lot of it was because my patience was at an end. two year-olds can be very trying.

by the time we got home, he was done. nothing was right. he wanted me to play with him, but he didn't want me on the ground, he didn't want me to hold him, he didn't want me to touch him, but he wanted me right there. i couldn't move, he was mad and throwing toys. it was a typical 2 year old tantrum. no matter what i did, it was wrong. no matter what i said, he tried to hit my face. i couldn't calm him down, or make him happy.

it's times like this, i just sit him on the ground and let him scream. i sit him in the corner, take his toys and walk away. he knows i mean business, but it is still hard. he's my baby, and while i am used to him fussing at me, i'm not used to him being completely out of control.

i had to go pick up kids from kindy and i put him in the van without his shoes. he was still upset from the time out, so this started him screaming again. nothing i did helped. i'm sure i made things worse. so again, i set him down and let him fuss when we got home.

at lunch, he wanted to eat, but he wanted me to hold him. he wanted to eat something else, he wanted to get down. he wanted something i wasn't even sure of. so again, he became so upset and screamed. and again, i set him down and let him.

after each time of letting him fuss out, he would let me hold him and comfort him. and he would wrap his little arms around my neck and snuggle his snotty nose right into me. i think he would tell me he was sorry. i think he told me "i love you mommy" but he had those little hiccups, i'm not sure what he said.

it's so true though. sometimes we all have to just let it all out. i know that fussy wasn't trying to make me sad, or hurt or angry. i know he wasn't trying to make me frustrated. he was having a hard time himself. maybe he didn't really like the way i dressed him today. maybe i didn't feed him enough for breakfast. maybe i made him mad when i set him in the shopping cart. maybe i didn't listen enough, or treat him like the smart boy he is. but it came to a point that nothing i could do was going to do any good. i had to walk away and let him figure himself out.

maybe that isn't the right way to do it. maybe i should have just shut him up. maybe i should have held him tight until he couldn't breath and made him more angry and more resentful. maybe i should have tried to fix everything i could think of, even after i made sure he was okay. i think the hardest part really was setting him down and letting him cry. and not being able to fix whatever was bugging him.

this could just be me, trying to see the good in dealing with a really moody and grumpy 2 year old. i think it is good to know that sometimes we all just have to get it out, so we can move on. it might take 2 or 3 times of getting it out. it might take a couple of years of getting it out. but, i think, as long as we are free to scream and kick and cry it all out, whatever it might be, and then be able to go back to those who pick us up and love us, then we can move on and heal. maybe there isn't a single thing anybody can do to make us feel better. we might even have to kick and scream loud enough so everyone else has to endure it too. it might just be something we have to work through, but by having someone right there after we have got it all out, maybe that is what love is.