christmas

merry, merry, merry!

yes, that is my child....

chilly had his preschool program today. in all their many many differences, this is one where harry and chilly really do stand out. harry spent the majority of his school program with his back to the audience. and although he knew the songs, no amount of coaxing from his super sweet teacher, me, or grandma could get him to even look at us. i was mortified. stage fright.

chilly on the other hand, i believe, was the center of attention. he demanded it. when he wasn't singing, he was jumping, playing, talking loudly, picking his nose. he was trying to pull his hair out, talking to his friend. jumping with the songs, or just plain laying down on the job. he wasn't so afraid of anything. in fact, my 'mean" face did nothing in trying to calm him down. he was happy, carefree chilly. and i was mortified yet again

in both of these cases, i felt the eyes of the other parents on my child. thinking "why doesn't his mom do something" and in both cases i pleadingly looked around and asked "what?" what could i do? here's my kid giving everything he could.

i'm sure in both cases, it seemed worse to me than it actually was. chilly was only reprimanded once or twice. the whole of the program had me squirming in my seat.

it's not to say that i don't appreciate my sons personalities. i totally love my rock star 4 year old, and my general authority 7 year old. they make me laugh daily. and i can assume that at least some of the parents were wishing their boring child was a bit more like mine.

you can't really tell from these pictures, how big of a ham he was. i hope big d can post some video of it for you. it really is very crazy.

ever done this?

i had turned the oven on to warm up a bit before i stuck the rollo covered pretzels in to melt. problem was, i forgot that i had candied popcorn hidden from the kids in the oven. the funny thing is that i smelled it before i realized what i had done.

"something smells like burning plastic..ohhhhhaghhhhhh!!!"

i opened the door and the plastic bowl had melted in on itself. the red candied popcorn had melted everywhere covered in the plastic from the bowl. it was dripping on to the oven floor. i cautiously flung the remains of the bowl to the sink and drippy popcorn syrup went everywhere. all over the counters, the cabinets. red sticky ooze covering everything... and of course, it dropped on the oven door, sizzling sweet popcorn.

the whole house was smoky. that acrid burning plastic smell. the boys ran and opened every window they could, turned on all the fans (including the ones in the bathrooms). fussy was trying to get to the oven door. the phone was ringing.

strap fussy to his high chair and feed him something sweet. send the boys upstairs to monitor the smoke problem. forget the ringing phone.

i took the oven racks out to clean them off, and as they cooled, the melted plastic cooled. it formed a nice sheath around the racks, sealing off any possibility of cleaning it easily. i scraped the floor to the oven, and the door. i scraped with all my scraping might. but there are some things you just can't get off when it is burning hot. i took out the knives and sawed through the cooled plastic on the oven racks.

the sad part is, i've done this before. when will i learn that hiding things in the oven is not wise? in the end i lost my favorite popcorn bowl, and a good amount of tasty candied popcorn.

to break it up

i've decided to start posting random pictures i think you'd get a kick out of. just for fun. let me know what you think....

this is me in san fransisco 10 years ago on my honeymoon.

here's one of big d in alcatraz.

notice how young we look. i guess because maybe we were.

traditions

seeing santa at the ward party...

and gingerbread houses

and last, but not least, baby in the tree...

what holds you back?

i recently read an article about monks. monks who run. i run. i try at least. i've been seriously running for most of year now. and before that, it was on and off.

back to the monks.

these monks would run 300 miles in 30 hours. i can't even imagine how impossible that would be for me. but that is the stickler. it isn't impossible.

the article goes on to explain that a good runner, can distance himself from time, from pain, from all those things that make you think you are crazy, and just run. see there is this point where physically we can't do any more. our muscles will give out, our bones could break. our hearts would just stop. but the good news is that doesn't happen because our brain sets up a system of safety nets that stop us from getting to that ultimate limit. the problem is, we say to our little brain that the limit is at the first sign of something uncomfortable. and then we stop. give up.

originally i read this article as a runner. i wanted to use it. i wanted to see if i could really ever get to that point of running a marathon.

then i saw the lesson in the lesson. how many times do we let our brain limit us. just by thinking about what we can't do, maybe we limit ourselves on what we really can do.

i guess the main trick is to have something to focus on. whether it be the mountain in the distance, the clock on the wall, the baby asleep. just as long as i can focus my mind on that one thing, my feet will carry me there. give it a read. i hope it inspires you too.

see the article here

5 years ago

no, it isn't an anniversary of a birth, or a death, or anything else important. 5 years ago we moved. not to this house. to the house before this house. a manufactured or "move in" or "mobile" house.

we started in 2000, we signed contracts in 2001,we moved just before the end of the year in 2002. we legally bought it in 2003. we moved out in 2005. it involved big d working on the house many weekends. building lots of different things. it involved sleepless nights wondering how we were going to afford it, sleepless nights wondering if we were going to stay married. it involved being lied to by different people that we trusted. lots of lies, lots of evasive phone calls. lots of stress. at least 20k that is still missing, although we are pretty sure we know where it went. and it wasn't over when we moved in. in fact it seems to never be over

it really is like a wound, a deep cut that probably did need stitches. one little slice and it is open and gaping again. it's funny how i told myself i was over it, but it seems to always be there. little things that i remember coming back. little things coming to light. things are starting to fit into place, and after 5 years i am starting to understand a few things. i don't know which is worse, knowing about it now, or staying ignorant of the truth.

anyway, nothing big or fancy. just a moment in my life. a time where i wish i would have taken a different option. not that i don't learn from my mistakes, it's just that one still smarts on occasion.

check this out!

time to solve the debates! i know these are not the best pics, but they work in a pinch ya know? i'm sure big d can get all technical and figure out better ones. maybe i'm just lazy.....anyway for the enjoyment of family and friends....