Sunday, January 18, 2009

taking a break

on account that i have nothing of interest going on in my life right now...wait, that isn't right. there is always interesting things, but really not, you know? who cares how exciting it is for me to see my 2 year old learn new and embarrassing words, or my 8 year old learn life lessons way about his age. or the continuing phone calls about how rowdy and horrible the 5 year old is. i guess that is it. oh, and maybe the onslaught of crappy things that just sort of land in my lap. i think i'm going to take a break for a while. you know, to recharge my batteries and creative juices. i've run all out. i'm in a rut of muck and mud. i've been breathing too much of this smoggy utah air. who knows when i'll be back. maybe when the sun comes out and i don't feel so awful.

until then....

Friday, January 16, 2009

i've had a lot on my mind lately. i've been brooding over several blog posts, most of which are angry, frustrated rants about people that do stupid things. i just can't make sense enough of my feelings to get them down. they sort of all swish into each other in one big emotional hot tub. like a tepid bath of body filth. and while i do think it is cathartic to get it out of me and onto this lil' ol' blog, i'm not sure i want to.

lets just say this:

i hate harry's teacher: really. and i don't really hate people. people annoy me or frustrate me. but i loathe her. she is an evil and vile woman. who needs to wax her upper lip and her eyebrows. how she can even see is a mystery to me.

so there. insert my tongue sticking out picture here.

Monday, January 12, 2009

happy birthday to me

we went out for my birthday on friday night. the boys are having a fun time learning all about japan, so we decided to splurge (hey, it's my birthday) and go out to a japanese restaurant. the boys loved sitting on the floor, having our own little room! big d and i enjoyed the yummy food. the boys mostly did to, i think.

learning how to eat with chopsticks

sitting on the floor, enjoying the big window

successful eating with chopsticks?

remind me next year NOT to take the 2 year old. man, he is a handful.

mmmm sukiyaki, my favorite dish!

it really went well, considering it was sort of "last minute." the 8 year old found out he loves warm mugicha, and the baby loves tofu, at least half the time. it was sad, because we were too poor for the sushi. we decided it needed to be a yearly tradition, eating japanese food. not that we don't eat it at home frequently, but the experience of being in a japanese (well as close as we can get in utah) was well worth it.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

real life interval training

i was released from a calling i had for 2.5 years a week or so ago. i was in the young women's and i enjoyed it a lot. well, i did enjoy it until i got burned out, and then had some issues with some of the other leaders. but still, i really liked feeling useful and i enjoyed the interaction i had with the girls i was able to teach.

i was released, without a new calling. i found that weird. and still do. but whatever, right? there is nothing i can do about it, except maybe give crusties to the leadership, including, maybe the bishop. which i totally did.

the bad part about all of this was the timing. see, it's january, aka suckiest time of the year. it's been snowing a lot lately, and i think the sun has been out once since christmas. Savior of the World just ended. i know i was happy for the ending, but still, there is always sadness that comes from something you have worked so hard on, ending. and then i lost my calling.

i felt sort of...useless? definitely not busy. and that was a major change. and sad. all wrapped up in a big indoor smoggy, poopy weather kind of way.

after feeling that way, i went to church on sunday. i was so prepared for a bad day. and then something amazing happened.

fussy went to nursery. by himself. i mean, i stayed in there with him for a minute or two, then i snuck out and stood by the door for a while. he didn't fuss once. which is weird. ya know...fussy?

i went into relief society and then had a great lesson about the brother of jared. which i had totally forgotten and misplaced somewhere in my memory. but it was a good lesson. and it was interesting. and i really like being in there with the sisters from my ward.

and if you are familiar with the story, the brother of jared and his brother and all the people that they were, after crossing and ocean, building barges and all that jazz, camped by the sea for 4 years. and did nothing. for 4 years. and then the Lord came to him and chastised him and they got working again.

it struck me though, because it seems to be pretty consistent with my life. i mean, we have a few years where we are put through hell, with everything going wrong, big changes, hard work. and then we will have a year or so off. i figured it was kind of like interval training. which totally sucks.

running hard at a hard pace for a short period of time, and then running at a slower, or regular pace to recover. and doing that again and again and again. and pretty soon your endurance for that hard pace strengthens and you can totally go longer. we all know intervals are a great way to become better runners, so it makes complete sense that it would work for spiritual and personal things too.

while i still may not be overjoyed at my current state, i need to rest. i need to understand that this is a recovery time. and i think that might be the hardest thing to realize. i know that all too soon, i'm going to be working my tail off again.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

hmm, that didn't come out right

i sometimes think all of my interent friends can hear me talking. that they can tell by the tone of my voice what i am meaning to say.

the truth is, they can't.

i've been re-reading some of the things i've been posting here on this blog, and i think i might be coming across as a bit boastful. in my head, the way i type, the way i read it to myself, i think i am just stating what is going on. i mean, i know that i am nothing spectacular, or that my running miles, nor pushup prowess is not that great. nor am i an amazing blogger who has lots of friends.

actually, i'm feeling a bit isecure right now thinking that people are reading this and saying that i am amazing. in either a sarcastic tone, or incredulous, or even honest to goodness wowness. i mean really, i'm not. i don't know why i have blogged these things. maybe just because i have nothing else in my life to blog about? maybe because i was thinking about it? i'm not sure, but please don't go thinking that i mean it in a "i'm so cool" kind of way. cuz i'm not.

so then i guess i am second guessing myself. i do that a lot. sometimes i will go over conversations i had and try to understand what was all meant. or sometimes i try to see what the other side probably thought i meant. i am not very good at getting my point across sometimes. and sometimes i totally put my foot in my mouth and say the wrong thing. and the bad part is when i do that, and i dont' even realize i said something horrible until i have these freak out sessions hours later. what do you do then?

well, in blogdom, i come here and try to re write some things. or i delete things. or i foolishly try to figure out what all the comments mean. and if i haven't got any comments, THEN i really go crazy.

Monday, January 05, 2009

1600 miles

and change.

i'm too lazy to add it all up again, and the scrap of paper i wrote it on is lost. i probably threw it away. anyway, 1600 miles was how many miles i ran in 2008. i am making a note of it, because i'm going to run even more this year. i know, i'm so tempting the fates for something like knee surgery, or a broken ankle, or *gasp* losing another toenail. (and ya know, that toenail thing really hurt!)

seriously though, that 1600 miles saw me through a lot of crap. a lot of mental therapy that i didn't have to pay a dime for...well, except new shoes, band aids, ibuprofen, and maybe some cute running skirts. that is a lot of time away with my thoughts, and a lot of time to work through my problems, without yelling at anyone. except maybe the stupid stray dogs.

and while i am not making any new years resolutions, nor goals, nor anything that sounds like either one, i'm still running. every. day. it's like a sickness. only worse, because when you are sick, you can go to sleep for a week or so and get better, but with running, you gotta go out and run to feel better. it's doing something, rather than letting the world do something to me. it's being in charge, and kicking some one's can all over the place.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

i totally win, happy 2009

my sister in law gave me an award for my blog. i'm not big on awards, meaning i don't get many, so i'm feeling a lot of love here.

this is what she wrote about my blog:

"I love the variety of this blog. Meemer isn't afraid to express how she feels, good or bad. Not only is she a good writer, but her posts always include an interesting perspective on the topic, no matter how simple."

nice huh? i have to admit, i felt pretty darn good about it. especially seeing that my bloggy is just a "thing" i do. it has changed a lot over the 3 years that i have been doing it. yeah, i know, 3 YEARS. that is a lot of posts, and a lot of bad writing.

i just want to thank her for making my day brighter. and for being her. she really is an amazing person. not only is she vastly cooler than me (i know!) but she has put up with a lot of stuff in her life. she deserves more of a prize. maybe i should make a bloggy award for people who are amazing? maybe next week, i got a lot going on here in the new year.

speaking of the new year...

i'm not making any resolutions. not because i think i'm perfect. far from. but because i think making a resolution is a recipe for failure. only that you either succeed or fail. you can't sort of stop swearing. or almost stop drinking coke. or pretty close to loosing 20 pounds. you either do it or you don't, right? so i am not going to be doing any of those things. then when i actually do them, i can totally be amazed at my awesomeness. i think it's brilliant!

and was it just me who thinks 2008 shorted us on a month or two. i know 2 weeks from october are missing, but seriously? it cannot be 2009! do you know what that means? it means that my baby turns 2 in just a few weeks! how the hell is that possible. i swear i just pregnant!

and for big d, just because i know he will laugh at this: