Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
i started out this leg full of nervous energy. i really felt so unprepared. it felt surreal to have the first run come upon me. it was the one i was nervous about. before i started, i totally forgot my inhaler and had to run back to the car to get it. by that time i had it, i had like a minute to go. i saw julie and i was ready to run. she slapped the bracelet on me and i took off. i felt so very good. and it was simply beautiful. there was green shady forest everywhere. i was running pretty well and keeping up with everyone. it was great....for a while.
i noticed how hungry i was. i hadn't eaten anything but a granola bar at 5 am. it was close to lunch. i was feeling it. no big deal. i 'll push through. there were occasional signs about directions, but there were no mile markers on my route. i started to slow down. it was getting really hot, and the dust being kicked up by the passing vehicles was really sticky. and really hard to breath through. i had my hydration pack and i was doing well with my water, but i started to feel a knot in my stomach. i had taken some ibuprofen and i think my tummy was rebelling. so i stopped for a moment and picked some flowers and pinned them in my hair. it was stunning and beautiful everywhere! i remembered i had some sport beans in my pack, so i started rationing them out. it was getting hotter and not so shady. and it was getting tougher. the climb was steeper and the road was less desirable. and the support vehicles took the good parts while i had to scramble on the sides. running on dirt trails is much harder than running on pavement. i kept going, and i noticed a girl ahead of me. i kept up with her, matching my stride to hers. i bet i bugged the crap out of her. my support vehicle passed me by and dumped water on me. it was heavenly. i climbed more. and more and more. i kept track of my time on the watch, figuring at least 10 minute miles, so i'd be about half way. i started to get a little discouraged because my legs were really starting to shake. i felt like the air was so thick with dust, and it was. my teeth were covered in it. i caught up to the same girl as before and we sort of leap frogged for a while. i finally said, "why don't we just run this in together!" so we talked for a minute or two. and then she told me she needed to concentrate on running and not talking. so i slowed a bit and fell in behind her. i just kept going. my legs were burning, the sun was really hot and it was really starting to suck. i kept on the beans, and they weren't really helping, only making me thirsty. when i passed the one mile mark, i almost cried. one more mile.
my time was really off and i had become really slow. i figured i was doing about 11 minute miles and i was really bummed. i tried pushing it the next time some guy wanted to pass me, but i ended up needing my inhaler again. there were plenty of people on the side of the road who were dumping water on us, squirting us and cheering us on. that was nice. when i saw the exchange i felt much better and i used what energy i had left. i made it to the end and handed it off to melodee who got to summit the freaking mountain after all my hard work. but there was no way i wanted to run any more right then.
we had spent the afternoon in the sun, trying to get a nap in. and then we were in the car supporting the rest of the team. i was worried that it was going to be really hot. it was a super hot day, and those who had run before me were really suffering. when it came time to run, the day had cooled a lot, and the sun had set. i wasn't sure if i was going to get a night run in, but i did. sort of. i had to have the headlamp and the reflective vest. i didn't think i would need them, but by the time i ended my 5 miles, i was in darkness and it was nice to know i was being seen.
this run was my favorite. i was able to see the country side. lots of cows and lots of people sitting in the front yard. kids threw candy (at least i hope it was) as we were passing by. i was offered water a couple of times, but it was starting to get so cold, that i really didn't need it. as it started to get darker, the terrain became more hilly, but in an even sort of way. not so much the dirt uphill. a lot of down hills and i just felt great on them. i even started passing people. of course i was being passed too, but i wasn't really worried so much. then i passed a guy that had passed me. he looked like he was really struggling. we had made it to the 1 more mile mark, so i kind of even upped with him and told him, "one more mile, lets' go! we got this!". he gave me a huge crusty and sped way up and passed me. it made me laugh! i totally got him going again! i handed off to the next teammate and i felt really great. just really tired and really, really hungry.
we didn't eat, we were trying to figure out where we going, and trying to figure the logistics of it all. i was starting to feel pretty light headed. i was pretty sure i was dehydrated, so i kept sipping water, but that water was making my tummy feel sick. i was trying desperately just to hang on for a bit longer. when we picked up our last runner, we headed off. i was in pretty bad shape. i kept wondering if the rest of the girls were feeling as crappy as i was. i felt like i was going to pass out. i think i had just pushed myself way hard, had not as much food, and not near as much water. so i really needed some fuel. i asked for the pretzels, thinking i just needed something in my tummy. i started munching on them, and then about 5 minutes later, i needed the van pulled over. i was going to barf. and i did. a lot. i finally got back in, and we made it to the high school. we got out and i totally lost it several more times. i almost had no control. it was miserable. we then went in to have dinner, only to find that dinner sucked big time. i felt so sick by then, i just wanted to sleep. we got our bags out and rolled them on the gym floor with about 200 other sweaty sleepy people. i think i was out before anyone else. those 3 hours of sleep were probably the fastest and easiest sleep i've ever had
my last leg was moderate. i really remembered it only being like, 3 miles. so when i looked at the race bible, and realized i was going to do 4, i wasn't too happy. i still felt really weak, and kind of crappy. although i did feel much better than i had the previous night. it was cool-ish, but i expected it to be more warm. it was mostly downhill, but it was on a major road. that part really sucked. it was really loud, and the cars were passing us so quickly. my hip which had been bothering me a couple of days ago started acting up again, and my toenail blistered toe felt kind of funky. my boobs were hurting too, as i had left my nursing toddler at home, and i could tell! my legs were still fatigued from he day before. i felt terrible too, i had forgot to use my inhaler. i saw the van pass me, and i forgot to get my inhaler from them. i was so worried about making sure i had food and water. by the time i got to the flater part, going into the heber valley, my cell phone kept ringing. it was my dad! i tried answering it a couple of times, and i finally called him back....every time he called it stopped my music! so i stopped and walked as i talked to my dad. which was a really nice break. i kept looking for a sign to tell me how much further i had. i finally saw it, and it was coming up quick. thank goodness! i felt a person trying to pass me at the last minute, and rather than being another hash mark on another team's van, i totally sprinted (sort of limping) to the finish line. after that my asthma really kicked me and i sort of freaked out. but i got to my inhaler and i felt better after a bit. and that was it, i was done running. i was so glad that it was over, i immediately felt great.
i have to say that this race probably took everything from me. i don't know how i could have given any more than i did. i felt so weak at some points and so strong at others. i didn't really care how many people were passing me because, well, because i was out there doing it too. i'm not a strong fast runner. i'm sort of like a work horse. i don't look pretty while i'm doing it, but i'm going to get it done. and i kept telling myself that. even on my "easiest" leg. i'm just going to get it done. or "i run for when i'm done!". seeing that finish line for the last time was probably the sweetest thing ever. i was so glad for my sunglasses that were hiding my tears.
i really knew i could do it. but i didn't know it would take me to the edge. i had done the 18 mile run, and it was hard, but it wasn't hard like this race. this race was about running without sleep, food, water. running in the blistering heat and the freezing cold. and then doing it all again. it was really about sharing a victory as a team.
you can't push yourself to the limit and more with 11 other girls, and not bond with them. it's not the same as running any other kind of race. it's harder and sweeter and better. and harder. did i say that already? much harder. and now that it is over, i'm ready for it again, in about a year!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
my mom called me crazy. i just might be.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
and if you are still thinking that way, maybe a couple good thoughts in there for big d. ones that include keeping fussy happy. or helping fussy sleep. that kind of stuff. i know big d will pull it off splendidly. i hope i do.
i was holding fussy a couple of minutes ago, and although i am excited about my time away, i felt a little sad about missing him for the next day. absence makes the heart fonder, right? i hope so. i hope he doesn't really hate me by saturday evening.
i've only been training for this for 10 months. i know i can totally do it, i just hope i can totally kick ass doing it, you know?
so that is me, that's the plan. i'm psyching myself up for this. i hope i make it.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
and it isn't some major bill, or some life threatening disease. it's the daily crap that adds up. doctor visits, grocery shopping, birthdays, car things, underwear purchases...
i have always prided myself on being thrifty. almost as if my sacrifices somehow made me a better person. the fact that my kids only wear hand me downs, or that all our furniture has been purchased second hand. or the fact that we don't take our kids to frivolous places, just for fun. we don't have cable, take the newspaper. we don't eat a lot of meat, we fill up the cars once a month. cloth diaper.... and other assorted things that we do all in the name of being thrifty or saving a buck. all this makes us cool. like our own kind of superhero.
don't get me wrong, these are all good things to be doing. it's just that sometimes, i want to not HAVE to do them. you know?
the other day, i went for run with my baby. i got out my neat little jogger stroller that i got at the DI for 5 bucks. sure big d had to put a tire on it, but c'mon! $5! it was a deal-io. as i pumped up the tire, i noticed that the tire stem was leaking, thus causing the tire to deflate. in a moment of being defeated, i yelled "i hate buying things second hand!". my sister in law, who doesn't have the same trials of money that we do, well, she looked the other way. then she picked her jaw up off the ground.
while i try hard to keep my head level, and tell myself that true happiness isn't bought, i still have to wonder, if i would be more happy playing lego indiana jones, on my new t.v. in my new motor home, on my way to some fabulous new vacation resort or cruise, waving goodbye to my fancy house that had closets full of designer clothes, a cool bathroom with a jetted tub, and rooms full of brand new furniture, and a garage with cool cars and a spunky mini van. and of course i look fabulous with my new hair do, and my fancy nails. my kids are perfect with their new bikes and cool toys that do cool things. and big d is there at home, having people build him a deck and shed, and installing the flooring and painting the walls. and the dog has a sweet rhinestone collar.
yeah, i know. i don't need all that to be happy. it's a state of mind. i also know that i am not truly poor. i have a home, i have food to feed my kids, and i have almost enough money in the bank to fill up the van the next time it needs gas.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
double edge sword huh? i am still nursing. my boy still loves his mama's milk. i haven't really taken anything. but again, i have allergies and they are miserable, or i am miserable. my allergies seem to be whatever. so i went to the walmart and found me some meds. NOTE: i have tried the non medication route. i totally netti-potted myself. i poured water into my nose. that was really weird. aside from feeling like i was in the bottom of a pool, it didn't help THAT much. i couldn't find any stinging nettle. and i can't NOT be outside.
again, i went to the walmart and got myself some drugs. i was amazed at the selection. there was lots of little cards everywhere. i guess allergy medicines need a pharmacy guy to regulate them. maybe because you can make meth with it?? i dunno, but i think it's weird. and lame, because there were a lot of people waiting for perscriptions and junk. SO i picked up myself some zyrtec because i had found out before hand (thank you internet) that it was the best for nursing moms. i came home and took a pill.
besides ibuprophen and tylenol, i have weird reactions to meds. they all make me sleepy. even non drowsy will send me to sleepy land. i usually half a dose, no matter what. well, this zyrtek is a 24 hour pill, so i couldn't really half the dose. i guess i could have, but i was really miserable.
again, i took the pill. again, i am a bit sleepy, but nothing more than i usually am. no, this time, i feel kinda funky. like my hands are not connected. nor my feet. i feel weird. i feel okay allergy wise. my mouth is still kinda itchy, but i did have pineapple for dinner. i'm kinda tingly. i'm kinda...lost.
i know this is sort of disconnected, but that is how i am feeling. like the world is a bit foggy, and i am sort of rowing through it.
so if you have any suggestions about allergies, let me know. or leave a reply. or don't. whatever.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
i got a phone call from chilly's primary teacher. again. it makes me want to curl up in a ball and watch reruns of "the brady bunch". i'm just so tired of hearing how he is a terrible kid. how he is so "wild". i'm tired of trying to defend him. he is one of those kids, that if we survive, is going to be a great teenager. he is really fun, but really a handful. i'm just sick though. he dropped out of baseball because the other kids were picking on him, so he'd fight them. that made it so he didn't have any fun (being reprimanded by the coach will do that) of course he was the youngest on his team, and probably a little young to be swinging a bat, but still, it kind of stings.
harry hates me. i know, he really doesn't. but he acts like it. at his baseball game he yelled at me. he gave me several crusties. and threw a bat at me. luckily i was behind the fence when he did this. it is a sad day when your kid takes his frustrations out on YOU. i understand how he feels, and i'm okay. it just hurts me that he hurts. and i can't do a thing about it. i miss the time when i could cure his temper with a hug. this parenting thing is really hard.
fussy loves his daddy. i know, it's totally cute. i love it that he says "daddy" all the time. that when big d comes home, he loves to be held by him. i love the fact that they have a good connection. i just sort of feel kind of..well...like fuss only likes me for my nursies. since daddy doesn't have them. he doesn't ever bother to say mommy, and for the past couple of days, he prefers his dad over me. i'm trying to shrug it off, but still, with everything else going on...*sigh*. i guess i just wish my babies didn't grow up.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
there was this one time that my best buddy and i went spelunking through the pipes that led under the soccer field. i don't know what kind of pipes they were, only that we were on an adventure. i don't quite remember how old we were, but we probably were old enough to know better. it was incredibly creepy being inside a wet pipe and travelling uphill. i hope that i remember correctly that it was was a storm pipe, and not a sewer one.
i also remember that same best buddy and i going to school one day. we were flying downhill mile hill (these are the same kick ass hills that i've been running up) when i mumbled something about "watch out for the birds.." and we hit one. it was just a bunch of feathers on the side of the road, and in the grill of "the enterprise". which is what the car my friend drove was called. after the star trek ship. and yes, we were that nerdy.
that reminds me of this best buddy and how she had a captain picard life size cutout stand up person. and this captain picard made an appearance in my s.b.o. running for office video.
that reminds me of the many videos my bud and i made. the nature one where we were focused on a creepy snail until she squished it. and the skateboard one. and the one where i swore for my fist time on film, driving around in my bright orange pinto. or it could be frozen turkey assembly, or the one where we all danced in spandex to flashdance.
i was really cool, huh?
we spent a lot of time together, this best buddy and me. from the time we were in 5th grade, until we sort of "fell out" when we were seniors in high school. i had some of my best memories with my chum.
like knocking on my window at some ungodly hour of the night, to wake me up, so we could go and do something prankish, wild, or crazy. i think i sneaked out way more than my parents know (sorry mom and dad). we also used to just hang out.
as i was running today, i took the trails this time. or at least a dirt road. this road took me up next to the mountain. next to the rock formations and fields that we used to explore as we were three wheeling around. i remember a lot of times and places where we must have had angels keeping us on the road or right side up. summer was an endless opportunity of finding lost canyons and hidden mine caves. hiking up the mountains on clear days that turned stormy. taking ramen noodles for lunch (yuck) on adventures up the mountains. outfitting the three wheeler to hold all our camping gear and 3 girls to boot. camping at a place called gushing springs and getting shot in the cheek with an bee bee gun. eating corn out of the can for dinner. sitting on the road in the middle of the night and making pee trails to see who would win. taking grandma's wheelchair down mile hill and pretending she was hurt and i had lost control of the chair.
every summer, the first week of summer vacation, she would always do something crazy and get hurt. like the summer after 9th grade when she put on roller skates and skidded down the hill by my house, or the next summer when she put on some other kids roller blades and skidded down another hill. or the time she got in a motorcycle accident and skidded down a hill. or different soccer injuries that necessitated wheelchairs or crutches.
there were other players involved in a lot of these things. some that stayed loyal and true, and some that have since been lost. in all these things, my best friend and i were there.
i miss having friends like i did back then. as i was running today, i felt so sad when i started remembering all the fun things. memories hit me one right after the other, and i was laughing at the silliness. then i felt like crying. crying because i missed it so much. i guess i was feeling homesick.
Saturday, June 07, 2008
on to the meme tag....
1. How would you describe your running 10 years ago?
10 years ago, running would have been described as pretty much only in survival situations. 10 years ago my sweet big d and i lived in NYC. i think i might have run when i got lost down in harlem. yeah, i ran, but i ran like i was mean. i think that was probably the extent of my running. i guess you could say, i'm a newby. a begininer. a greenie.
2. What is your best and worst run/race experience?
hmm, this is a toughie. i haven't really done a lot of races, mostly i'm saving my dough for the wasatch back. i guess the worst race experience would be the turkey trott where big d totally skunked me. he "ran it with me" in name only. and i totally wasn't being slow. i did the thing in 24 minutes. of course i've had my share of bad runs. runs within the runs. if you get my drift. or the runs that totally take everything out of you just to get out the door.
the best:the same race, when i totally passed a dude i went to high school with. one of those jocks who was super cool, when i was super nerd. and i passed him. that was cool. ironically one of the best runs i've ever had was also one of the hardest. when i made it home after 16 miles. i totally wanted to die. i remember crying when i finally could see my house. but it was so rewarding and amazing to know that i could do it. that i really could run 16 miles.
3. Why do you run?
i started running to get in shape. it was the quickest way to burn a lot of calories. it was before i got pregnant with fussy, and i needed to feel good about myself, because i couldn't get pregnant. so i did it. i even made big d get me a treadmill. after fussy was born, i started again, and i just plain felt good. it was like being something or someone other than a mom for an hour a day. i am not mommy when i run. i'm meemer, badass runner. i feel powerful and amazing. just like giving birth, running gives me power. i can do anything after i do a long run....well, i feel that way after a nap. i guess i'm just an adrenalin junkie.
4. What is the best or worst piece of advice you've been given about running?
i get most of my advice from MOFS. i know they have been where i am, so i know their advice is solid. the best i've heard is to cross train. do something other than running. you don't get burnout, and so your body doesn't get hurt. it's advice i haven't followed too much recently.
5. Tell us something surprising about yourself that not many people would know.
i'm so boring, i can't think of anything surprising. i'm allergic to cats, grass, mold, and some kinds of trees. i have a tattoo that got all stretched out from having babies. i used to stalk beatles tribute groups.
since these things can't die peacefully, i'm tagging:
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
an awesome y wing and another geeky star wars ship that i don't know the name of.
and everyone loved the black frosting. including fussy
poor fussy took a header off the cement steps and goosegged his rather egg shaped head. looks good huh? you should see him today.
then we came home and put the kiddies to bed. and wondered where the weekend went. unfortunatly i didn't get a pic of the other cake, or playing wii or anything else on sunday. sorry.