Wednesday, January 30, 2008

fussy's birthday party

we were supposed to have a birthday party for fussy on sunday. supposed to. but i got sick. actually i have been sick for well over a week. it just hit me really hard on saturday. so i cancelled sunday. which was good, because by sunday, i really felt bad, and fussy felt bad. and we were misserable together.

so instead of a party, where other people come over and wish him happy birthday, we had a small "just us" family thing. i felt badly that we didn't have an all out big to do. but really, when it was all said and done, it was a nice evening. nothing too big. just our sweet family.

so without anymore ado, here's some pictures of the big day. my one year old!

fussy asleep after dinner. we went to the happy meal place as a cop out for mom. but the kids enjoyed playing. i mean, that is what a birthday party is all about right?

after waking up he opened his presents

and started eating the wrapping paper

a bit of cake for the birthday boy

he wasn't too sure about it

and top the evening off with the crazy brothers stuffing balloons in their shirts. i swear i don't teach them this stuff.
looks like fun huh?

you do miss out and the rocking chair from grandma and grandpa that has been a big hit. and the cars from auntie nettie that he takes everywhere. so much for mom and dad buying him anything.

Monday, January 28, 2008

happy birthday fussy dear

has it been a year already? it seems both like it has been forever and that it was just yesterday that you were born. i remember the day clearly, but i have trouble remembering other specific days.

you are such a special sweet baby. and i knew you would be. from the moment we found out we were going to have you! you may have stolen my heart, but you give me so much love in return. you keep me on my toes, but you stop to give me love just as often.

you are you. original. it is going to be hard for you sometimes, being the third boy. with two strong older brothers, you might just get lost a bit. you have your own personality. your own sense of humor, your own timetable.

i will miss this baby year, but you are so much fun now. it's okay that you are growing up. i have had so much more fun than i have ever had with a baby before. you are so silly and so cute. i cannot possibly imagine having a different baby. so happy birthday my sweet boy. my third son.

i love you my fussy.

fussy's first year

Thursday, January 24, 2008

life really isn't fair

there are several things brooding in my mind lately. there are many examples of this simple phrase i use every day to my kids. i guess i didn't have that growing up. maybe because i was the baby of the family, and my parents didn't like to hear me fuss. maybe because i really had never been bad off. maybe because of my generation of "me". i don't know, but i say the words, but i never really believed them.

now here i am, a grown woman. with kids of my own. and life isn't fair. every single day something unfair happens. some big, some small. some good, some bad.

when i first started realizing this, i thought some cosmic all foreseeing power had it in for me. see, that would make it fair. punishment is fairness in a way, right?

of course where my kids are involved, i really do try to be fair to them. maybe i am overly sensitive right now, because the raising of my 7 and 4 year old have caused me to try and make things fair. same amount of money spent at christmas, same type of toys, same birthday presents. same bedtime, same amount of gamecube time, and the list can go on. as i am learning now, it so sucks to have life give you that "curve ball". then you wonder where "fairness" ends and "jealousy" begins.

i hear chilly exclaim all the time that "THAT'S NOT FAIR!". i always try to remedy the situation, if indeed it isn't, and if i feel it is, i always explain why. still, 9 out of 10 times of disappointment for him are shouted out with that phrase.

where am i going with this? i don't really know. i guess i just figured out that simple thing about the sucky-ness of life. maybe i was being optimistic deep down and never understood the truth. life is hardly ever fair. the sooner i let go of this fairy tale, the better for me and my kids. i can only do so much in their lives. i only have so much control. life will get them in the end. when it does, i hope i am there to help them really understand that life isn't fair.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


the indoor/outdoor thermometer reads, at 8:30 this morning, 3.5 degrees outside. crap. i'm SOOO glad i have a working treadmill. even if i am hacking up my lungs.

Friday, January 18, 2008

stairs, the final frontier

fussy has been a slow baby. he has yet to prove to the majority of the world that he can crawl. he just doesn't care to. it seemed all fine and well with me. i was a bit worried, but found an immobile baby is a good baby.

harry started really walking at 8 months old. chilly was more like 10 months old when he started taking off. fussy pulls himself up but doesn't really care to take a step. he's going to be a year old in a couple of weeks. but you see the difference right? mobility.

fussy scoots. you remember the video from a couple of posts back right? we live in a split level house. for our first 2 babies, we lived in a flat house. with no stairs. this is by far a stair-y house. my nephew once mentioned that we must be very wealthy to have a house with 4 levels. apparently most 10 year olds don't see ratty furniture, holes in the walls, and peeling paint.

for the past couple of days, i can't keep fussy from the stairs. it is his first exploration of the day. i worry that he will fall down them. i worry that he will crawl up them, and then fall down them. okay, he has. hour after hour he's on the stairs. learning how to top the flight. i have a baby gate which i put up to keep him from going down the stairs, but it doesn't quite fit going up. but then, if i am in the kitchen with him, i really need to have two gates. and we all know how cheap i am. since i don't have enough gates, and since he is almost 1, we have been trying to teach him how to go down. he doesn't like to roll onto his belly to slide down. so i've been pulling his feet to the edge and scooting him to fall on the step with his bum. he hasn't liked the options. he voted to either fall down, or cry until i come and get him. or sit there.

an interesting thing happened today though. fussy went up. to the top of the top. and then before i could "rescue" him, he started going down on his bum. scooting to the edge and falling one step at a time, landing on his diapered bum. then he climbs back up, and scoots down again. then he goes to the plant, pulls out all the dirt, climbs back up the stairs and does it all again.

it is so fun to have a baby. even in my sarcastic moments, i see how cool it is that he learned for himself.

stairs have been conquered.

*as a side note. as i was typing this up, he got into the plant again. since harry is off track, he wanted to help clean up all the dirt. so he picked up fussy and brought him down to me. and ran upstairs to vacuum. meanwhile fussy sort of chased/raced him back upstairs. at least harry doesn't wonder how come the house is a total mess most days*

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

time flies

except when it's:

christmas eve
dental appoinments
doctor waiting rooms
kids getting throw ups
between lunch and dinner
wash cycle

running on a treadmill

i am really happy that big d fixed ours. no more sub zero runs. at least it felt like it was sub zero. enough to have my eyelashes freeze. no more bundling up in tights,pants, undershirt, overshirt, jacket, 2 pairs of gloves, earband and gaiter. i feel so free, and so mind numbingly bored!

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

dear lacey,

happy birthday.

remember when we did that scene together? the one about graceland? where i was named bev? remember when we traveled around to attend "fake" beatles concerts? remember the sting of that first tattoo? remember that really cute kid that came to that party in the cheerleading outfit? that was all fun. staying after school and dancing in the drama room. or asking our teacher to sing "desperado" one more time. being in shows together, driving across montana. buying beatles cd's, and sleeping over.

i miss you.

did i ever tell you that? did i ever tell you how much i loved being your friend? well i did. really, i can't remember ever having a friend that was so kind to me. a friend that was so thoughtful and genuine. i really am sorry if i ever treated you badly, or for the times when i wasn't worthy of being your friend.

i think of you often and wish you the best of luck up there in the frozen north.

all my love

Monday, January 07, 2008

its' not that i am's just that...

it snuck up on me. when did this happen? not only am i turning 30 years old, i can't remember how i got here.

i have an idea. my kids stole it. they stole my 20's. they steal all the good food at home. the chocolate, the cinnamon bears. they steal the best spots on the sofa to watch movies. they steal my nights, they steal my socks. AND now i find out, they stole my youth.

it isn't that i am old. i feel very much young. i still feel like i did when i was 22, only things seem different, like i'm wiser. smarter. assier. my body is fine, my gray hairs... well, i can't find them. i am noticing tired lil' wrinkles in a few places. really, i just don't feel like i'm 30.

i don't even know how 30 is supposed to feel! maybe i do feel like 30, i just don't realize that 30 isn't much different from 20. maybe that is why women keep saying they are 29 every year. they just don't feel 30 yet.

THEN i go on and think that in only 10 years, i'll be 40. i really better get to work if i want to having something to show for 40 years of life. i know i have accomplished some things already. apparently, i taught my kids how to steal my youth.

i'm not sad for turning 30. in fact, i am a bit excited that people have to take me seriously now. i have been looking forward to being part of the cool crowd for a while now. of course, now that i am here, i bet they will all turn 40 and be much cooler again. i guess i just better enjoy who i am, and try to remember how i got here. even better, try to pay attention to the next 10 years.

happy birthday to me!

Friday, January 04, 2008

from my son

"those people are old, so i call them ooollllddd people"

that kid cracks me up!

and in other news...

harry finally lost his tooth. that one tooth that has been hanging on since way before christmas. that ugly snaggletooth that has painted him a hobo or redneck for the past month. he lost it by eating potato chips at school during lunch! score!

Thursday, January 03, 2008

2007 is over, on toward 2008!

what is it about this time of year, when we reflect on where we have been, what we have done, and vow to not make those same mistakes the next year? ahhh new years! about probably the worthless of all holidays. well, i say that in a loving sort of way. but honestly why? why do we celebrate the start of the year with a day off work, or a midnight party?

anyway, i have been thinking about 2007. i've been wanting to sort of write a year in review kind of thing. but as i looked back, there was pretty much this: i had a baby.

i had a baby in January, and i really don't remember much about the rest of the year. that and someone really wound the clock up tight because it was running fast all year long.

but for you who have nothing better to do, here ya go:

january: fussy joined the family on january 29th. meaning i was pretty miserable most of the month. the month of waiting really. i do remember that i had planned to name him elvis if he had come on mine (and elvis's) birthday. but he didn't, even with that promise of a sweet name.

february: i wasn't sleeping, but ironically, my baby did that all day long. and everybody got sick, including my week old newborn. harry learned to stay upright on his two wheeler. the month ended with fussy actually smiling!

march: my sister one up'ed me and had her baby girl! my in laws decided we were not enough to keep them here and moved out of state. fussy's blessing! i also gave up any and all dairy this month in attempt to keep fussy from being.

april: fussy was sick enough and started breathing treatments. we got 3 new chicks!

may: chilly's tonsillectomy. chilly's 4th birthday. captain jack sparrow style.

june: baseball for harry. his last day of 1st grade too. AND harry turned 7 and had a wicked cool harry potter birthday party.

july: besides the 4th of july festivities and family functions, big d spent 2.5 weeks in nauvoo. i was solo parenting. i don't think i lost it completely, but i came close.

august: 1st day of second grade for harry. big d and i were getting up early am for runs. the boys and dad went on a camp out, while fussy and i stayed home!

september: fishing at the pond! i had a running collision with the pavement and wounded myself. chilly's first day of preschool!

october: snakes, snails, puppy dogs and skeletons. well the snakes we found in our yard, the snails have always been there. puppy dogs and skeletons were the cool thing for mom to make me look like. right boys? along with being captain jack sparrow a dinosaur, and a sick superman for halloween.

documented proof of fussy's scooting. big d's and my 5k. thanksgiving yada yada yada

december: weren't we just there? freezing temps, snowy weather. gingerbread houses with family, ward parties, school parties, school programs (is that MY kid on the stage?)

all in all, not too bad. i got all this from my bloggie. it seems a little sparse during a few months where i was too busy, too tired, or otherwise un bloggie full. this year, i'll do better.