Saturday, April 29, 2006

Shhhh, I'm not on the computer...

"mom, why are you always on the computer?"

"Well, that is how I talk to some of my friends."

"you have friends in the computer? Is that why you are playing games all the time?"

I've been outted, and by my 5 year old Harry who hasn't watched a blink of TV for the whole week. I thought it would be good for all of us. I started it with good intentions of turning everything off as soon as he got up. This blasted computer called to me the second he was at school, and kept it's pan singing until he got home. I'm happy to report Harry passed with flying colors. He went to a skate party with Big D, he played outside every single day, and he resisted all urges of PBS kids. A+

Chilly splurged in the occasional Jurassic park movie while Harry was at school, and mommy was on the treadmill. But he played and he ran, and he even didn't feel that well. But I have to admit, he passed....B+

Big D. Oh the ever confident daddy. I don't think he once turned on the TV, maybe to watch the weather...The laptop, well that is another story. However in his defense, he only did it after Harry was in bed, or, of course, when he was at work. And then I'd really expect him to work on his computer. Still passing, but barely at a C-.

Me, well I flunked royal. Yup, this dumb keyboard, and the stupid yahoo games. That is all I'll say. Unfortunately, best intentions aside, I give myself an F. FAILURE to turn off the computer. And every time Harry was out of the room, I turned the TV on too....Just for noise, and the fact that I wasn't banned from it.

Monday, April 24, 2006

What a bum!

We were all lazing around, my two boys were on the big bed, jumping on daddy. We had eaten a fair bit of Easter candy and were all sugared up. Big D left to help clean up dinner, and I was picking up wrappers on the floor. Harry and Chilly were wresting (fighting) on the bed. Harry was saying mean things, and I was about to "intervene" when my sweet cute little almost 3 year old, pulled his pants down to the middle of his crack and mooned his brother. He wiggled his bum for dramatic effect.Then he laughed. If I hadn't seen it, I would never had believed it. Where did he learn this behavior? IT isn't like he goes to Jr. High, or watched anything on TV where bums make an appearance. And it was like he knew there was a comic effect of a nekkid bum too. He spends all day with me, and not once have I seen another kid do that to him, or anyone else. I don't know where he gets it from.

You want to know the worst part. I was laughing so hard, I ran downstairs and told Big D what had happened. The boys came down and thought I was crying.

Side note, this week is no TV for Harry's school. We are all going to try to help him. I'll be a little scarce all week.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

To Any Higher Authority Who Might Just Be Listening...

We had a ward party today and a bunch of women were all sitting around watching the kids play, when one lady 3 weeks post partum showed up with her sweet tiny little baby boy. The girl I was sitting next to, I go visit teach. She and I had a bawl fest a couple of months ago. She is in the same place as me...You know the place. Infertile(whoa, that's a pretty strong word there, missy). And not knowing which direction if any I should go. Well, she is a little different, she only has the one child, and she basically prayed him here. She gets comments all the time about how she "shouldn't raise an only child" that sort of thing...Lucky her. She and I both saw this beautiful newborn and immediately said, "oh how sweet" and then we looked at each other and almost started crying! It was almost comical. I wanted to lighten the mood so I said something like "damn uterus...,stupid hormones" I felt so bad for her! I mean, I felt so jealous and angry and bad for me, but I really had a heartache for her. She is such a wonderful and amazing person and I desperately want her to have another baby.

The thing is, you just don't know. I don't know why it is taking so long for me. Did I miss my chance? I hate the fact that I get angry when someone tells me that they are expecting, or that so and so had a baby. I get so jealous when I see mom's heading off to the mothers room to nurse the newborns. I get a little irrational each month!! It isn't fair, and it sure isn't easy. I always feel left behind, out of control.

I do know that I am learning things about myself as I go through this. I never thought I didn't appreciate the miracle of conception. I never thought that I took pregnancy lightly, but this time, this moment of wishing, hoping, and praying have been the absolute hardest for me. I can never look upon anyone's pregnant belly and not think with amazement the miracle that happened. I will never stop being astonished to see a newborn babe nursing. I thought I understood all this before, but at this moment in my life, I look upon all these things with true wonder and respect.

Poor Big D would love nothing more than to have a baby next week, nine months practically kill him! As for me, I just want to be pregnant again, with all it's woes! I want to feel morning sickness, and baby kicks. The displaced hips, the heartburn, the fatigue. I want to embrace the big bellied, the constant vomiting, the flatulence and the constipation. The weight gain, crying, mood soaring. I want to feel the pain and excitement of childbirth. I want to feel the hurt of each contraction, and the pure joy and awe at seeing my baby, slippery, naked and warm in my arms. JUST ONCE MORE. If I could just have that, I'd be okay.

So, if I don't get the opportunity to do it again, what then? Am I going to be disappointed for the rest of my life? Should I resign myself to be bitter and spiteful toward mothers of 3 or more?

I know that there is more in life than just this. But as I look back on what I have been, and where I want to go, it all involves THIS. Motherhood. I know that there are roads that may not be the ones I am looking toward, and I know they are the ones that are going to teach me more about myself, about my Savior, and about life. How can I look at the wonder of life around me, and not be just as amazed, just because I wasn't a major player in it. I am here, in this world. I am a part of all of this. The more I close myself off, the more I will miss.

Sappy huh? Sad? Well, I have already cried my tears, vented my frustrations, and cried more. So what is next? Do I dive face first into the next realm, or do I wait? Yup, that is the hard part..Not knowing.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

I was tagged...

Here's my list of 6 things that make me...well....ME:

6. I remember actors and voices in movies. I know this is a really weird thing, that is why I am starting with it. Have you ever wondered where you have seen that actor before, what other movies has he done? Well, I become obsessed with it. I have to figure it out, then I have to announce it to everyone watching the movie with me. I also do it with voices. Animations. Man that lion sounds familiar, who is it?? IT will bug me the entire movie, and if I haven't figured it out when the credits roll, I get pretty upset. I go here a lot.

5. I am an information junkie. I research almost everything. What products to buy, and why, what childhood diseases do...The effects of fertilizer on ground water...EVERYTHING. Maybe it is because I watch too much PBS with big D.

4. I am a hypochondriac. I believe this goes hand in hand with the researching of everything. But I pretty much always am on the verge of some illness, or something. I must be the biggest baby at my house. I also project my fears of sickness onto my kids. A runny nose= a sinus infection. Good thing big d brings me back to reality. He's the one who never thinks anything is wrong.

3. Floor care is my stress reliever. Not only do I vacuum when I am stressed, upset, or otherwise not happy, now I sweep, mop, and swiffer too. Blame it on my mom, she was serious about her carpet lines.

2. I practice accents. Not only do I have rehearsal conversations (in the car, or while I am cleaning the house) but I am always practicing my dialects. I know, it is weird. I find myself listening to foreign actors, and then repeating them, trying to sound like them. Or I'll change them from English to Irish, southern to Italian. I once had to do a Russian dialect for a show I did, I think that is where it all started....Maybe my voice and diction class in college. Whenever it started, I wish I could stop, I mean, when am I ever going to play a Jamaican??? It is weird, and it annoys me, but I still do it.

1. I count. I count push ups, sit ups, stairs. I count the socks as I fold them, or putting away the dishes. I am always counting. Funny thing about it is, I suck at math. I even suck at sudoku, even though I am also addicted to it.

I'm pretty much only tagging BIG D. Everyone else has already been tagged. I know you are all curious as to what makes Big D weird. (the list is endless) I think it would have been much more entertaining to have him write mine, and I write his. Ah well, maybe next time!

Monday, April 17, 2006

who's your milk man?

So a long time ago, in a house far away, we used to get milk delivered. It was a huge operation, and the fact that WE got milk delivered depended on my state assistance. Yup, poor big d and his low paying job. Well anyway, we used to get milk delivered every Monday morning. Ah glorious fresh milk. You wouldn't think so, but it really does taste better. Unfortunately, we moved, or got kicked off WIC, whichever came first. So we went back to the old store bought variety. And it really isn't that we like milk, the kids drink it almost daily, big d and I use it for cereal or cooking. We drink it because we are supposed too. Might as well get something that tastes a little better.

Last week I was up at my mom's house, and she had some milk that was delivered by a different local dairy. Jumping with joy, I called them right there, to see if they possibly delivered to my area. I left a message when no one answered.

A few days later, my mom called and asked if I had set up an account, or decided if I even wanted fresh delivered milk. "Duh?" I told her they had never called me back, so she gave me the number again, I called and set up my first delivery. And it came this morning!! Can I tell you how much more yummy fresh milk on your doorstep is? Not to mention cheese, whipping cream and butter? But the cool thing is when Harry said, "so, we have a milk man?"

Yes son, we do.

and he comes every Monday morning. And the price was right! We will be getting two half gallons for a little more than what you would pay for a whole gallon of milk in the store. BUT it is FRESH. It has no HORMONES, and it is from CACHE VALLEY.

So that is what I'm happy about today. Yup, my fresh milk in my fridge, and the promise that it is coming again next week, and the next week and on and on and so forth.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Friday, April 14, 2006

I've been burned before....

The melmac. The stuff I bought at auction about a month ago was made in the 50's. Apparently they didn't have microwaves back then. When it goes in the microwave it heats up to about a billion degrees- close to the temperature of the sun. The slightest touch will send you screaming to the tap, drowning your finger in ice cold water. Yeah, poor Big D is in the shower, wondering what the heck is going on. Tears streaming down my face and a big purple finger later, I decided it is time for it to go. My microwave. The melmac is too purdy to throw out.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Paying with nickels

We went to the first yard sale of the season on Saturday. It was true bliss. We found a pressure cooker for a buck and some movies for $.50. Sweet. But I didn't have any money on me, and neither did big d, so he huffs it home. He returns with a pocket full of change. We pay $3.50 in nickels. The girl looked at me like I had sausages poking out my ears, but money is money.

So it got me wondering, what do you pay for in nickels?

Do you even bother picking up a nickel if you see it on the sidewalk. A quarter, yes, a dime, maybe, but a nickel- depends on the mood. When you were a kid, did they have the little candy machines that took nickels and dimes and pennies? We had one at our local drug store. We also could get penny candy there. Swedish fish and raspberries, each for one penny. Or if you have ever been to Wendover or Las Vegas, and seen the slot machines that take nickels, or pennies!?

Just 5 cents here, and 10 cents there. You know it can really add up. Over time, a lifetime of saving a few cents every day could earn you some serious cash. You know, like the life insurance commercials. I remember the time I counted all the spare change we had in the house and it was over $100! Yeah!

But it also made me think about the other things that we do that are small, that we don't realize we are doing. A hug- how much does it cost to you? A smile-what is it worth? A listening ear for 20 minutes? Do you think it adds up the same way? I don't' know. I know that I can pay for a movie down the street from a yard sale, because I can hold it, and break it. But how do I hold time? How do I hold love? I don't have a pocket full of jingling good intentions do I?

So really, each little thing we give away, are we paying for something much bigger? I think so. What do you think it could be? Each time we smile at our neighbor, do you think he adds that up? Do you think subconsciously he marks it down, and eventually a great friendship can be bought? Maybe having our children grow up with a testimony, from all the little nickels of teaching. Or having a spouse to listen to you as you are going through a rough time, from all the little nickels of kindness. Maybe it is a friend down the street who teaches you how to make curry. Whatever it is that we end up paying for, I think it just might be worth it. I don't know, but a nickel is such a small thing, I really don't' think I'd miss it, but I might just miss the things it pays for.

Friday, April 07, 2006

getting on the trendy bandwagon

Does this quote look familiar to you? Yeah I know, I'm a geek, but I really love this book. And I love this quote: So I jumped on the bandwagon of trendy wall cliche stickers. It is really fun, and I am loving how easy it is. Especailly when Big D is the official sticker putter-upper. If only curtains were as easy to install, or pick out.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

My shopping bud


He is the best kid to take shopping. Well, I dont' know that for sure, but out of my 2 boys, I prefer to shop with Chilly. He doesn't run off. He stays close to me. When we are looking at clothes, he doesn't hide in the racks. I tell ya, he is an angel.

Really, he's almost 3, and he doesn't beg for candy, or toys, or lay on the floor throwing tantrums. He doesn't scream or yell, or curse. He is nice to the other kids he sees. A natural born shopper, with the endurance of a teenage girl.

And the most important thing....he gets as excited as I do at sale prices!

Forget Harry, or Big D, if I'm going shopping, Chilly is my man.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Earthquake+fire drill?

We went to Harry's Parent Teacher conference yesterday. Or is it SEP's? Well whatever they are called now...He is amazing and smart and all that. Did he get that from me, obviously not.

Wanna know why? Well, while we were at the conference, his lovely teacher asked me if I was doing anything today. Honestly? I couldn't think of anything except the usual, read book, eat bon bons, watch the soaps (yeah right). So I asked her what she needed. I'm thinking she wanted me to come in and do a party for her, since I must be the "PARTY" mom? No, she corners me into coming in and substituting for her while she goes to a meeting. What? You want me to come in and watch (babysit) the kindergarteners. So I say okay. See, not all that bright. It would only be for an hour, what can happen in an hour? Did I mention I am not the most intelligent person.

So back to this morning. I drop off Harry at school, run home and do some "stuff" for about a half hour, then I book it back to school to watch the kids.

Fine right?

well not so much.

They decided that an earthquake drill would be a good idea.

Do I know what to do in an earthquake? Sure...Run like hell for cover. Fine, the kids are cool, the intercom is making a hilarious rumbling sound. Lots of laughing, but the kids are doing well. They have found cover under their tables, and they have their arms over their heads to protect them in case the table falls on them. Then comes the not-so-fun part, the fire drill.

Did the powers that be realize it was freezing cold and raining like crazy when they pulled the alarm? Apparently not. Do you you think 18 six year olds enjoy being outside, soaking wet while Mrs. Harry (me) has no idea what the heck the procedures are? Not so much! Thankfully Mrs. C was done with her meeting in time to come and run the kids through.

So back to me (is there any other topic?) Seriously, it brought back very bad memories of being in elementary school. Does anyone else still freak out at fire drills? I'm going to be 29 years old and I had tears in my eyes while we were "escaping" from the building. I think it might have gotten worse now that I am a mom. The thoughts of everything that could happen to my kids at school, and that I would probably not be there to help out, kind of freaked me out.

That and the fact that it was rainy, cold, windy, and I had a freezing Chilly on my hip.


Tuesday, April 04, 2006

My diva cup overfloweth

Have you ever been innocently sitting on the couch watching TV, when a feminine hygiene product commercial comes on? Ever been sitting there and felt a tad embarrassed? Why do they do that? I just cringe when I hear certain commercials. You know the ones I'm talking about. I think the person who decided that "have a happy period" should indeed go to jail, or at least have cramps that compare to some medieval torture chamber. Who thought that up? Happy is not really a word I equate with men u strate ing. I mean honestly, who can be happy when that happens.

You know who it is? It is men. Evil, no good men. They think they are so clever to come up with something like that. It is like the all encompassing pms thing. Oh she is a little grumpy, she's got pms. Like we like to hear that. If we were a little grumpy, do you think that is going to help? What you should be saying is how sweet we are. How much you love us, and how good of mom we can be. How in the world do we put up with the kids, or your crap all day. Well lets talk about the grumpiness. Water weight gain, bloating, cramps, headache, pimples, weird mood swings. And of course, any thing else that I don't like that I can blame on being a girl. Do you think you'd be Mr. Prince charming with any of these? I don't think so.

What about "kotex fits, period." Is that supposed to be clever? It is, but do you have to say it with a grin. C'mon people! Have you seen the one were the maxi pad is a pin ball machine? "guards against leaks". How embarrassing. Who wants to think about leaks as you are sitting there eating an entire container of ice cream? Who wants to think about anything except who is getting the boot on survivor? Then there is the tampon commercials. The ones with the baby in a saggy diaper, and the skinny teenagers who are excited because they get to go swimming? Do they ever show the bloated mom who has been up all night with sick kids, she hasn't been able to shower for 3 days, and she definatly won't be swimming during her menstrual. Yeah, and the baby with a saggy diaper is poopy and it is getting everywhere. Um yeah, I don't think they'd sell too many tampons with me.

And what about the cost of said products. I mean, you can't just by the generic brands. You have to go with the good stuff. It honestly can get pretty spendy. Of course with the chocolate, the new clothes and flowers, and dinners out, you've got a heafty bill there.

The point of this? Well I guess there really isn't one. I thought that the title was a pretty good one, and since there are no commercials for the diva cup, I decided to go with it. If you don't know what it is, you are either a guy, or you are happy with your menstrual products. My dear sweet big d gave me mine for my birthday. Isn't that great? Although why should I be happy to get menstrual products for my birthday? Hmmmmm, do you think he's trying to tell me something?