So many times during the day I get a blank screen. Mostly when I am trying to talk to MOF's about children issues, or other silly things like that. It gets really annoying, having to refresh all the time. Sometimes I even have to go as far as unplugging different things to get everything rebooted.
It really is an amazing thing, that I can sit here in my chair and talk to somebody on the other side of the world (if they aren't sleeping). I can do my bills, or check the daily newspaper, find out my family history, or I can even sell a bunch of junk. But my favorite thing is to come here, spill my guts about my boring and silly life, and have you read it.
I aspire to be witty, I long to make good sentences. I enjoy blogging. I really do. It gives me a moment to focus on what my feelings are for that day. Sometimes I come here and write out a big post, only to delete it later because I think I have left myself a little too open. I blog for me. I thought.
Recently it has come to my attention that I do not get comments. I have been going through some self consciousness because of this. Is it because I am not funny? Do I not write anything interesting? Too much stuff about my kids? I would visit other blogs (maybe yours) and notice that they had more than the obliging comment from their spouse. I started feeling like I did in high school. I was surely not the most popular girl. Everybody knew who I was, but I wasn't invited to the cool parties, I didn't date very much, and I never got nominated for homecoming queen. Sure, I was the smart, theatre dork, student government geek, who had the teachers all fooled, but for some reason, my peers couldn't really care less.
So this is what blogging has become to me. A popularity contest of sorts. To understand why my comment numbers are so much lower than the rest of my small community. And to try and boost them. I started writing more frequently, and trying to entertain you, the bored reader who just skips ahead to the next blog. It wasn't really working, and I was getting frustrated. Then today as I sat down at the computer, hoping to have had a comment on my last post, and feeling like the ugly duckling of my blog ring, I figured out what my problem was.
I have been trying to entertain you, when in reality, the most entertaining thing about a blog is when it is just being yourself. It isn't about that blank screen at the bottom of the post.
So here I am.
and I am hoping I can go back to the way it was. Back to telling you how life in my small part of the world is going. Feel free to leave a comment if you'd like, but it isn't required.