Monday, September 11, 2006

How is it?

How is it that two people can come together from basically the same geographical area, be raised by basically the same set of morals and values, and still have completely different families.

And not just mildly different. Off the charts.

Now if you are me, and are from my family, the things that big d's family does, it is like you landed on an alien planet. So completely foreign to me. Does it mean that I don't like them? NO, it just means that I am lost in confusion and frustration. This frustration that I occasionally feel with big D when we have our own misunderstandings. However, it is different when it is a whole family, against, say, 1 person.

Now if you are big D, and are from his family (who I think are all nutters) and are involved with one of my families "issues", you seem to handle any and all problems with the ease of a politician. Or perhaps, say, a mute. How he does this, I cannot say, but he does. And it is only on the car ride home from said problematic issues that I can even get a simple "Ugh" out of him.

There are just differences in they way we communicate (less ketchup throwing with the inlaws) to the way we share our problems (way more sly at the alien planet). And then there is us, the newly formed family of 9 years, who have both shed our previous families skin and are making a go of our own.

And that is the problem, we can't side with either, which makes me terribly moody at family functions, and dh, again, a mute. So when something comes up that is BIG, like life changing, in our families, at the same time, and we are both in the throws of it, do we revert back to our roots, or do we climb out of that trench and come to even ground, which we have built up for our own family? I ,personally, tend to revert back to the tossing of objects, which, dh objects too. And he, well, although his work responsibilities have somewhat tripled in the last few months, well, he tries to take the time to help people understand. Occasionally he will send out an email stating his concerns. Not because he is angry, or "wants to throw ketchup", but because it is the most efficient way he can possibly reach the whole family at the same time.

Now since it isn't my family that is going through this specific set of problems,I probably shouldn't comment. Although no one has ever really asked me about my opinion, occasionally I feel the need to state it. That is just how I was raised in my family. In fact, as I am finding, I probably should keep my nose out of the whole problem completely(which is what I am not doing right now) and keep on making grandbabies.

So that is the trick really, is time to get involved or stay silent. Either way, I run the risk of offending someone.


big d said...

i'm offended! a mute politician!?!

wait! i'm kidding! don't throw anything at me!

oops, that was probably over the line...

Stacy said...

Who ever said you couldn't state your opinion? As much as you may protest - (wink wink) you are part of this family, too and deserve the right to state your piece.

Glad you had a chance to vent about the frustration, at least.

APRIL said...

"Either way, I run the risk of offending someone."

While dh and I both have completely different backgrounds, I feel like I can't be myself and say what I think without offending my MIL. So I just don't say anything, and try to get dh to do it for me, because it's not like his mom is going to kick HIM out of the family....

Yea, I don't think I could put my opinion into my ILs family matters much.