what's with being thin?

Like any normal woman who just gave birth, and gained a slight 50 pounds while being pregnant, I'm on a quest to loose a bit round my middle (or thighs). I have to loose one more pound before I stop being "slightly overweight" and can announce to the world that I am a healthy weight. I've been working on it ever since fussy made his exit (or entrance, depending on what side of my body you are on)

When I was pregnant though, I wanted to be healthy. I ate food, lots of good food, and some not so good food. I exercised. I still gained enough weight to technically carry twins. but I wasn't worried, at least not too much, because I knew that I could eventually loose the weight if I worked hard. To me the most important part was carrying a healthy baby.

Which I did. we got Fussy measured yesterday, and not only is doing just fine, he has gained a whopping 3.5 pounds. since birth. He's 2 months! Amazing! He is healthy and growing and I never needed to worry about him being born too early.

one of my fears in life was having a preterm baby. Or a baby stuck in the NICU for weeks on end. I have seen it with my family and a lot of my friends, and it isn't an easy road to be down. Just because you got pregnant, carried past week 30 is no guarantee you are going to bring a healthy baby home from the hospital. Add in anything different, like say multiples, and you can end up with a heartbreak or two.

A lot of this stems from the fact that women are so obsessed about what they look like, that they don't take care of their bodies. I don't really think we can trace it back to the men. I think they like us as women. It is us women that is the problem. Comparing ourselves to everyone, constantly being told that we need to watch what we eat. Skipping a meal or two so the jeans that we got will fit. It isn't healthy to us, and what are we teaching our kids.

If you are like me, you have heard what I'm ranting about a million times over. And maybe once or twice you've nodded your head in agreement. Maybe for a couple of weeks you told yourself you are not going to cut calories, just be healthy. We've heard it all from well meaning people who are sick of looking at stick and bone women and being told that is what we need to look like. But it is just so ingrained in us that we need to be thin to be pretty.

I get that, I can't change it.

But I am not okay with it when it involves more lives than yours. You can hurt your own body, but don't hurt the baby that you might be carrying, just because you buy into the fact that you have to be a size 2 to be beautiful.

Before you get your dander up about "weight isn't everything for being pregnant" know this, it does have a big impact. I know that there are women who have been healthy the entire pregnancy, but then something happens and they don't go home with the baby they carried. Weight had nothing to do about it. My point is this, if you know, if you know that something could help, why not do it?

Fussy's blessing

So I'm just going to assume my readers are lds, and know what I'm talking about here. Just because I've got like two minutes to blog, and I hate trying to explain it all.

So last Sunday was fussy's blessing. It was good, and bad.

the good
We got to church before it started which was a real record for us. Dumb 9:00 church with three boys kind of thing. But we made it. Nobody got lost on the way to my house. During the actual blessing, Fussy wasn't! And the big boys were really good, even with the excitement of having cousins in church with them. After sacrament meeting, nobody got lost on the way to my house. We had lots of food. My sister even showed up with her little newborn!

The bad
I firmly believe that satan controls all clocks. Before my eyes we ran out of time getting ready. I know I got up early, and with plenty of time to spare, but after getting myself and fussy bathed, kids out of bed, hair combed, fussy nursed, we were seriously pushing the limit. I was so grateful for the extra hands that showed up a bit later than I thought,to hold the baby, so I could at least put on some makeup. We got to the church before it started, but not before the "saving of seats" time. So all of the benches were taken, and we were relegated to the back with the hard chairs. Nothing hurts your bum more than an hour and 10 on cold metal chairs. Back at the house my sister showed up with her newborn and totally stole Fussy's thunder. What is cuter than a baby on his blessing day? A younger newborn. After working all Saturday to have the house looking tip top, within minutes of breaking the bread, it was a disaster. I also forgot, ran out of time, for pictures. So you will just have to imagine a beautiful baby boy looking his best in a sweet white outfit grandma gave him. Because by the time he was home, he had really pooped and it had gotten all over his white little sweater thing.

But here I go complaining again. Even after I told myself I wouldn't. Shame on me, because the most important thing about the blessing is the blessing. It was beautiful! I was so in awe at some of things that were talked about with my little baby. I think it gave me a glimpse into the rest of his life. It is a little scary too, because I really don't want to mess it up. I really felt the Spirit as Big D blessed him. I could almost see those fussy was named after, up in the circle with them. It was an amazing experience for me. I think Big D felt it too.

So after all that, even the bad, isn't bad, you know? I am so thankful for a husband who can bless his kids, for family who isn't too busy to support me, and for these wonderful kids, including Fussy.

to milk or not to milk?

Breastfeeding. Is there anything more lovely with a newborn. Not only do you get to "show off your goods" multiple times a day, you get the pleasure of knowing that you are feeding your infant the very best food there is for him.

It aint easy, is it? Ask any mom 2 or 3 weeks post partum, and they will almost always have the same answer, it sure isn't natural. There is nothing natural about the latch on of a newborn baby. It doesn't curl your toes, it freaking breaks them off. sore nipples, engorged boobies. Waking up in a puddle every morning. Moist bras. It sure isn't natural to enjoy those things.

Feeding fussy is going really well, now at least. It wasn't a few weeks ago. Not that he had troubles nursing per say, he just didn't like something in my milk. So I stopped eating. well I still ate, just nothing that had milk, eggs, wheat, soy, corn, milk, chocolate, and milk. Okay, so it was mostly just milk, and chocolate.

Now I'm not a big milk drinking by any means. I hate milk. I used it cereal, and in baking, but other than that, I pass on the big white jug. But I was floored by the amount of things that have milk in them. I mean, you can kind of figure that pudding has milk in it, and say, cheese. But chicken nuggets? Chili? Yup. All sorts of foods. Most anything that I liked, or I had in my freezer has milk in it. That takes into account the meals that I made before I had the baby to help out in times of needing a quick dinner. Lasagna, enchiladas, turkey casserole. All untouchable by me.

The sad thing(or happy thing) is that Fussy is really not so fussy anymore. I mean he is fussy RIGHT NOW, but that is because I am on the computer and he wants...you guessed it...dairy free mommy milk.


At least I could name him something different. Not such a fussy anymore. Maybe soggy???

bums of the family

that is what we are right now. apparently. I guess because big d has to work for a living, and I have a newborn. I'm sorrry that is such a lame excuse! if you want more information, check out big d's blog.

my inlaws are moving

you'd think a daughter in law, who married the oldest son, would be happy, right?

Big d and I have lived close to his parents almost our entire married life. We did spend some time in NYC, but you can't really tell. Anyway, we've pretty much lived within 20 minutes of them for 10 years. we were told countless times how grateful they were for us, because we "stayed close".

We have known it was coming for some time now. Father in law has spent the better part of the year in far away places working. Mother in law retired from her school teaching job, and is now ready for the adventure of living wherever they next decide. Actually they have decided, and are packing up the house as I type.

They were a rock of solidarity to me. They had lived in this house for well over 30 years. I expected to bury them in the back yard with the cats! They accepted me as a daughter. They have been there for us during really tough times. I know in my heart that what they are doing is a good thing for them. They feel they need a fresh start at life, and are prepared to move across country to do it. I know they are doing what they think is right for them. I just feel a little betrayed, a little upset that my kids won't grow up with them anymore right there. As grandparents, they will miss out on so much of my kids lives.

I know the siblings have these same issues, as most of them have lived, or are living further away now. But they don't understand, that was their own choice to live away from them. This isn't our choice to have them move. We don't want them to. I also feel betrayed and hurt by a comment father in law said when they were telling us about them moving so many months ago. "The only thing keeping us here is you". It hurt on so many levels. And it still hurts today.

There will be good points to having them live 16 hours away! I won't have to constantly remind them that I have a family too. We won't have the trouble of splitting time at families for different holidays. There won't be uncomfortable moments at birthday parties when one grandparent gives more than the other. When they do come to visit, hopefully we will get all of them, and not just them on a Sunday afternoon.

But there are defiantly more disadvantages for us. We won't see them often. we can't afford to visit them. when they do come our way, we will still have to split them with 2 other families. They are also our hub of the family. When they move away, we won't see big d's sisters very often because they aren't going to come and visit just us. They are going to want to use their time to see mom and dad. cousins are going to get the short end by not having fun seeing each other. Well at least my part of the cousin game.

It has been hard for me. I've been grumpy. I feel betrayed. I don't want to see the house packed up. I don't want to see the moving truck pull away. I can't face the fact that it is the end. Things will never be the same. Not between us, and it will never be the same way for my kids. Ever. There are just some things that change permanently. They won't be here to go to t-ball games, or school programs. They won't be here to see birthday parties or loose teeth. They won't be here for Fussy's blessing, or to see how he will change. They will miss out on being "the favorite grandparents" for him. And because of that, we will loose something we have been working on for 10 years. A relationship shared by loving my kids. We will never have that same relationship again.

Instead, they will see pictures, and maybe read our blogs. And a couple of times a year, maybe, they will spend a day or two with the boys.

I could just be a softy, it's not like they are dead! I cried the day big d's sister moved. I just can't imagine how I'm going to feel when they are gone. I know I'm going to drive by the house and feel an emptiness. I hope my kids don't feel it, and I hope they do feel it too.

I truly hope they have the best years ahead for them. I wish them well in their new adventure. I hope they have all the success and fresh start they need to get them back on top in this crazy life game. And I do hope they know how much we will miss them, and how much their grandson's will miss them. I know this decision wasn't lightly made, but that is of little comfort right now.


so, good luck, farewell, and don't let the door hit you on your way out.

I'm having a hard time blogging one handed! My other hand seems to be constantly holding Fussy. I've got a couple of posts fizzing around in my head, I'm just waiting for a naptime that isn't 10 minutes long, or isn't filled with things like going to the bathroom. But I am pretty sure I've got the cutest baby.

it is all about that momma love, right. amazing how you fall in love with your newborn, even though he doesn't sleep, or he's incredibly fussy all the time.

I've some cute pictures of my kids. I wish I could post them here.

Of course Chilly is not being a good kid today. Finally after almost 6 weeks of not being the baby anymore, he is starting to really misbehave. Raising kids without beating them is tough.

My sister's new kid!

Back a long time ago, about 7 months, I found out that my older sister was expecting. What a huge surprise. This was cool for me, because, well, I had never been pregnant with one of my sisters before. Being the youngest does that to you.

So now my little fussy has a cousin on this side of the family that is close to his age. Pretty much is his age. Fussy turned 5 weeks old today, and his little girly cousin was born yesterday morning at 12am.

I am really excited for my sister. Her youngest before the baby is 11. And she, like me, has two older boys. So she got her girl, and the coveted granddaughter. And she is cute, my neice, not my sister, although she does look just fine. My mom came down and watched fussy so I could go to the hospital ( shudder) and see my new little neice.

I do think it is weird when the youngest (me) has advice for my older sister. My oldest sister even commented that she wished I had been having babies when she was having babies. Her youngest by the way is a year older than my Harry. It feels strange to be looking my older siste in the eye and give her advice about breastfeeding. Or when I called her on Saturday night (because my mom insisted) to talk to her about labor, and if she should go in to the hospital or not. But it is cool too. Almost like they have quit looking at me as the baby sister, spoiled rotten, and are now looking at me as an equal. I like it.

So congrats to my big sister on her new baby girl. And congrats to my mom for her new baby granddaughter.


At least fussy had almost 5 weeks of being the newbie!.

My timeline was off. Chilly did get the dreaded fever, only it was today. So more like a week in between fevers and general illness.

But aside from that we still had to take the boys to get their hair cut. except fussy didn't need one. Nope, he's lost pretty much all the hair on the top of his head already. So now he looks like an old man for sure. Toothless and bald. And he has baby acne too.

But the other two boys look so cute with the new do. And we actually paid someone to do it, so it looks much better than when I weed whack it for them. I love it!

it really is amazing how a haircut can change you. When Harry was done getting his, he looked, or reminded me, of my big brother. Same dark eyes, same eyebrows. It was eerie. Someday I'll have to post a picture of me in first grade, and Harry's first grade picture. Chilly looks older too, like someone hit the fast forward button and he turned 4 already, maybe 5. of course ever since we had fussy, Chilly looks really big to me.

the best part of getting their haircuts was showing off my baby to the old lady there. She was getting her doo, and watching my sweet boys intently. She pulled me aside and told me how cute my boys were, how sweet my baby was, and what a good daddy they seemed to have. I had to agree with her on all parts. I mean, even though Chilly was startign to get fevered up, he still sat still and was so good to get his hair done. And even though Harry was "scared" he still managed to get the courage to sit and chop off his lovely locks. But my heart belongs to big D! The way he encourages the boys to be good, and really, REALLY cares about them. The way he holds them, and loves them, especially fussy.