Thursday, March 15, 2007

my inlaws are moving

you'd think a daughter in law, who married the oldest son, would be happy, right?

Big d and I have lived close to his parents almost our entire married life. We did spend some time in NYC, but you can't really tell. Anyway, we've pretty much lived within 20 minutes of them for 10 years. we were told countless times how grateful they were for us, because we "stayed close".

We have known it was coming for some time now. Father in law has spent the better part of the year in far away places working. Mother in law retired from her school teaching job, and is now ready for the adventure of living wherever they next decide. Actually they have decided, and are packing up the house as I type.

They were a rock of solidarity to me. They had lived in this house for well over 30 years. I expected to bury them in the back yard with the cats! They accepted me as a daughter. They have been there for us during really tough times. I know in my heart that what they are doing is a good thing for them. They feel they need a fresh start at life, and are prepared to move across country to do it. I know they are doing what they think is right for them. I just feel a little betrayed, a little upset that my kids won't grow up with them anymore right there. As grandparents, they will miss out on so much of my kids lives.

I know the siblings have these same issues, as most of them have lived, or are living further away now. But they don't understand, that was their own choice to live away from them. This isn't our choice to have them move. We don't want them to. I also feel betrayed and hurt by a comment father in law said when they were telling us about them moving so many months ago. "The only thing keeping us here is you". It hurt on so many levels. And it still hurts today.

There will be good points to having them live 16 hours away! I won't have to constantly remind them that I have a family too. We won't have the trouble of splitting time at families for different holidays. There won't be uncomfortable moments at birthday parties when one grandparent gives more than the other. When they do come to visit, hopefully we will get all of them, and not just them on a Sunday afternoon.

But there are defiantly more disadvantages for us. We won't see them often. we can't afford to visit them. when they do come our way, we will still have to split them with 2 other families. They are also our hub of the family. When they move away, we won't see big d's sisters very often because they aren't going to come and visit just us. They are going to want to use their time to see mom and dad. cousins are going to get the short end by not having fun seeing each other. Well at least my part of the cousin game.

It has been hard for me. I've been grumpy. I feel betrayed. I don't want to see the house packed up. I don't want to see the moving truck pull away. I can't face the fact that it is the end. Things will never be the same. Not between us, and it will never be the same way for my kids. Ever. There are just some things that change permanently. They won't be here to go to t-ball games, or school programs. They won't be here to see birthday parties or loose teeth. They won't be here for Fussy's blessing, or to see how he will change. They will miss out on being "the favorite grandparents" for him. And because of that, we will loose something we have been working on for 10 years. A relationship shared by loving my kids. We will never have that same relationship again.

Instead, they will see pictures, and maybe read our blogs. And a couple of times a year, maybe, they will spend a day or two with the boys.

I could just be a softy, it's not like they are dead! I cried the day big d's sister moved. I just can't imagine how I'm going to feel when they are gone. I know I'm going to drive by the house and feel an emptiness. I hope my kids don't feel it, and I hope they do feel it too.

I truly hope they have the best years ahead for them. I wish them well in their new adventure. I hope they have all the success and fresh start they need to get them back on top in this crazy life game. And I do hope they know how much we will miss them, and how much their grandson's will miss them. I know this decision wasn't lightly made, but that is of little comfort right now.

so, good luck, farewell, and don't let the door hit you on your way out.

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