on being poor

don't get me wrong, we are not poor. we have been more poor. there comes a time though, were you just want to throw your hands in the air and shout "ENOUGH ALREADY"

and it isn't some major bill, or some life threatening disease. it's the daily crap that adds up. doctor visits, grocery shopping, birthdays, car things, underwear purchases...

i have always prided myself on being thrifty. almost as if my sacrifices somehow made me a better person. the fact that my kids only wear hand me downs, or that all our furniture has been purchased second hand. or the fact that we don't take our kids to frivolous places, just for fun. we don't have cable, take the newspaper. we don't eat a lot of meat, we fill up the cars once a month. cloth diaper.... and other assorted things that we do all in the name of being thrifty or saving a buck. all this makes us cool. like our own kind of superhero.

don't get me wrong, these are all good things to be doing. it's just that sometimes, i want to not HAVE to do them. you know?

the other day, i went for run with my baby. i got out my neat little jogger stroller that i got at the DI for 5 bucks. sure big d had to put a tire on it, but c'mon! $5! it was a deal-io. as i pumped up the tire, i noticed that the tire stem was leaking, thus causing the tire to deflate. in a moment of being defeated, i yelled "i hate buying things second hand!". my sister in law, who doesn't have the same trials of money that we do, well, she looked the other way. then she picked her jaw up off the ground.

while i try hard to keep my head level, and tell myself that true happiness isn't bought, i still have to wonder, if i would be more happy playing lego indiana jones, on my new t.v. in my new motor home, on my way to some fabulous new vacation resort or cruise, waving goodbye to my fancy house that had closets full of designer clothes, a cool bathroom with a jetted tub, and rooms full of brand new furniture, and a garage with cool cars and a spunky mini van. and of course i look fabulous with my new hair do, and my fancy nails. my kids are perfect with their new bikes and cool toys that do cool things. and big d is there at home, having people build him a deck and shed, and installing the flooring and painting the walls. and the dog has a sweet rhinestone collar.

yeah, i know. i don't need all that to be happy. it's a state of mind. i also know that i am not truly poor. i have a home, i have food to feed my kids, and i have almost enough money in the bank to fill up the van the next time it needs gas.