Tuesday, August 22, 2006

To whom it may concern

Dear persons managing the multi level marketing products that I have been tricked into buying for the last 5 freaking years:

let me out! Please don't send me any more soaps, laundry detergent, or lotions. I really do love your products, but I cannot afford to keep the hundreds of your telephone marketers in luxury cars anymore. Yes I know that I will be missing out on great benefits, such as credit card offers, and the possibility of winning an all expense paid trip to the next convention. However I am not interested in such things, nor is my family. Actually, we cannot continue spending my children's college savings just to do our laundry in a purely bio-degradable laundry detergent, nor washing my dishes with completely safe dish soap. Yes, I realize I can come back at any time, only it will cost me a sweet $50 sign up fee, and my first born's liver. Then you will be able to up my monthly point count to outrageously high limits, therefore taxing me and my family back to the stone age.

Let me go. I have been a valued customer for over 5 years, yet I am tired of counting points, stocking up on sensitive skin lotion, placing orders before the 10th of every month. And I didn't appreciate last months reserve order of useless crap that we will never use. Yes you broke the camels back with that one, especially since it will cost my income challenged family almost as much as it would to fill up the van with gas! Enough is enough. Let me out. Let me go. I have no desire to see your new products or read your new testimonials. I have no neighbors who would like to order anything, in fact, it is a total secret that I myself am involved in this Satan spawned program. How will I ever look my husband in the eye when he tallies up the total cost of said products for the last year! It is disgraceful! I could have bought my own dollar store by that time.

Take comfort though, mlm company, there are plenty more suckers out there. Plenty more moms who realize the potential poison of store bought cleaners. Millions of others who are allergic to laundry soaps, and several people who understand the benefit of a sugarless chewing gum with xylitol (not a low calorie food).

Nevermind the countless emails, nor phone calls. The hours spent on hold with overly charming telephone marketers. Here is my final letter, addressed to you, hopefully sent to the correct address. Here you have it. I am done, please quite sending me emails, catalogs, and samples.

thank you

1 comment:

big d said...

sounds like aol. you can only cancel service on the 157th request, and even then you can't get their software (aka virus) off your computer!

let me know if you need help. i'll call and be heavy handed. or just threaten them with bill gephart!