i'm not ready to be a borg

i tell ya, the things you think about when you are running.


i put in star trek while i was running on the treadmill today. it was the movie about the borg. you remember the one? anyway, i was physically running and running through some stuff in my head. i was thinking about how hard it is to be different in this lds culture. how hard it is to be more liberal in a very conservative state.

then i saw some character say "resistance is futile" and i started laughing. because that is how i feel. i'm sort of in the bottom of a sludge, and trying to get my point across really seems futile.

it just seems that this current election is so charged with emotion. at least from where i stand. i get emails daily about how the fate of the world is resting on one person, and who we choose for president. i see the emails that involve quotes from general authorities, or false emails from general authorities. and then it is implied, that if i don't agree, then i must not be spiritual enough, or mormon enough. that is a lot of pressure to put on someone, don't you think?

i don't think the fate of the world rests on who wins the election. in fact, i'm sure that all the rhetoric will be forgotten in the months to come. i don't know how much power a single person in this country has. i'm sure there are single persons' with extreme power, but i doubt they are the kind that we actually vote for, ya know?

but i still am not ready to give in, and sign up. i'm not ready for the implied brain implant and the loss of my self. i can only be true to myself, even if that means that i am in a room full of angry space robots.

yeah, i know, i'm totally a geek.

until further notice....

chilly will be known as taco. fussy has henceforth renamed his brother by saying his name as taco. taco. it makes us giggle every time. and since chilly hates the nickname chilly, this will work better anyway. he already answers to the name taco.

so let it be written, so let it be done.

letting it go

my boys were playing with hot wheels the other day. they were driving them around on the floor. all three of them. pushing them as fast as they would go over the hard floors. it was crazy and loud. i never understand some things that little boys do, and this is one of them. not that i don't get cars, it's just that i was always bored with driving them around.

anyway, chilly pushed his car and it zoomed right under the stove. all the way to the wall. crying ensued, even though, we have about a billion of these cars. big brother came to the rescue.

harry found a flashlight, and peered under the stove. he sat there for a good 5 minutes before his plan worked through in his head. it was all very entertaining to watch. then he was up and getting the tools necessary for the car's retrieval.

except it wasn't so easy. there is a lip of where the pergo floor doesn't cover the sub floor next to the back wall. conveniently the car had landed there and was stuck. harry tried everything, from broom handles to mop handles to his own skinny arms. he took out the broiler drawer and tried to delicately stick his arm back there to retrieve the car. i sat back and watched the whole thing. well, i wasn't sitting, i was busy.

there was a problem though, i had to leave to get to a meeting, and they hadn't got the car yet. but i had to go, and they had to go with me (curse you off track school!). so it was to the church we go. after a lengthy meeting in which all the boys were deathly bored, we got home. and plan b was in place and going.

more tools and more cursing. (yes, cursing). more tears of upset as still they couldn't reach the car, nor push it anywhere. chilly gave up and was happy finding another car. then he wanted his brother to give up and play with him.

harry couldn't leave it alone. he kept at it. i was curious to how long he would keep it up, so i just held back and watched. tears and cursing. frustration. anger. lots of yelling. then he became desperate and pleading. finally after 4 hours of working hard to get this car from under the stove, he finally gave up. he put the brooms and mops away. he stormed off saying "I GIVE UP!" and was mean to everyone around him for the rest of the day.

of course it was still on his mind. and it still is today. he keeps wondering how he can get that little car out from under the stove. it's eating him up inside. he is moody and grumpy and unwilling to do anything. while chilly, has completely forgot about and is happy playing whatever they are playing with today.

there are so many little hot wheels stuck under stoves in our lives. little wrongs that we cannot make right. but we try and work and wear ourselves out. why do we want to make other people miserable when something that is out of our reach bothers us? when in reality we would be happy and content if we would just forget and move on. so that is my new plan. i'm going to try really hard to let those small things rest. what do i gain to be all worked up over a little car stuck under the stove? i need to learn to just let it go. and really, harry needs to learn it too, and quick!

harry

i guess i have to start this story early. today is saturday. harry and i go to rehearsal down in salt lake. it is a good amount of time for us to make it on time. i got up early and went for a run this morning, and when i came home, i was trying to get harry to hurry. so we could go.

at one point he came in with a nice sweater vest and pants and showed me. he was excited to look nice today. okay. cool. get dressed dude, and lets go.

so we make it on time to rehearsal. pretty typical stuff. lots of music, lots of singing. so for harry, it means lots of reading.

about 2 hours into rehearsal, they call us out to go try on our costumes. i had no idea we would be fitted for costumes today. it is super exciting for harry. we have our costumes in hand, and i am wondering what to do.

we do have a pretty open door policy at our house, but this is public. harry needs to get dressed in the men's dressing room, and i don't go in there. after leading him there, and practically shoving him in the door, he has a look of panic on his face. i ask him what is wrong.

apparently he never put on underwear this morning. and when i told him he needed to take his clothes off and wear his nice costume, the thought of not having any underoos to cover his junk was too much for him.

so he changed in the bathroom. by himself.

i was shocked. surprised. i don't think i knew that my kid often went without undies. now i'm gonna have to check. it was only slightly embarrassing when i had to help him with his sandals and he flashed me. i also mentioned to the costumer not to lift his robe up too much, or she would get an eye full.

i tell ya, the weirdest things happen when you have kids.

2 weeks

2 more weeks of off track school. only 2. that's like 10 weekdays. 14 days in all. i think i should make a paper count down chain.

it seems like the year is going to fly after this.

i'm not ready for it. i'm not ready for snow. i'm not ready for winter. i'm not ready for the blah of january. for fuss to turn two. i'm just not cool with all that yet.

election

did you watch the debate last night? you know, between those two losers that are running for president?

we did. sort of. mostly we had it on while dearest son #1 was trying to tell me something, and dearest son #2 was complaining about something, and dearest son #3 was trying to cuddle.

but we had it on anyway. during a boring part of our family life, i asked harry which guy i should vote for. which guy he liked better. mccain was talking at that point and he looked at the tv with frown and said "the other guy".

so i waited until obama talked and then asked him
" this guy?"

"yeah."

and then chilly pipped in.
"yeah, i like this guy a lot more than that other guy, the old one"

so, if i take the word from my very observant and discerning child, i would tell you that i'm a votin' for obama. not that you were wondering, right?

meemer's take on the crappy economy

i was also at the local post office today, where a "guy" was talking to the lady behind the counter about how our government losers should all be shot and hung. or disemboweled. something like that. as he exited the building ( i was hoping for an armed escort, but what can you do?) he said

"i am just so freaking angry about everything that is going on!"

yeah, we gottcha buddy.

i'm not smart. nor am i an expert on anything....well, i could be considered an expert on pooh, but that is a different story.

i think it has to do with being really greedy. i mean, everybody has been greedy. the banks, the consumers, the banks. you know, the people who decided that we could afford house-payments-that-are-the-same-size-as-the-paycheck kind of thing. it makes me wonder, if our country would be hurting right now if we didn't all just "live within our means". if we could have just bought what we needed and nothing else. if we could have just tucked some of that money away, instead of buying the car new, or paying out the nose for cable, would we be in a better place? if we all walked more, reused more clothes, grew more gardens, supported our local farmers, ate out less, and stopped buying all the useless crap to fill up our mcmansions. if when buying a new house, we chose the house that would work, instead of the house that was new or looked better, or had all the bells and whistles. if instead of grabbing everything that we qualified for, if we would only take what we could pay for instead. if we could take that small vacation or weekend away instead of insisting on several a year. if we could have maybe one credit card. if we didn't have to buy our kids the newest toy, or the coolest thing for birthdays. if we could take the bus more. if we could make more things instead of buying them. if we could let christmas be what it once was. we are a very greedy and desperate people. it's all about priorities, right?

i'm not saying this would have solved the problems. and i'm sure our vision is perfect while looking back, but don't you wonder? don't you think it would have been nice to have frugal-ness more popular than extravagance?

i'm good with the government coming in and taking control of everything. really. but i want the greedy people out. i would like to see more people being held accountable. it's really hard for me to see people who have had everything, keep everything. there is nothing wrong with being poor. some of us do it every day.

capitalism is a great thing. working hard toward the american dream is a great thing. but acquiring 700 billion dollars in debt? i don't know if that is such a great thing.

what do you think?

snow. that is right, we woke up on sunday morning to snow. 4 inches of white stuff. isn't that just craptastic?

it last snowed in june. that means for 3 months we have NOT had snow. do you want to know how much that sucks?

in just the waking hours of the day, fussy has:

taken off 3 diapers
changed his clothes 3 times
peed on the floor 5 times
taken handfulls of wheat and thrown it all over the kitchen floor
strewn toiletpaper from bathroom to bathroom (occasionally eating it)
thrown toilet paper in the tub while it was filling
chewed up food and spat it out 3 times
fed the dog chewed up chicken nuggets
destroyed the made bed
eaten handfulls of candy corn from the pantry
screamed for chocolate chips
chased chickens
picked green tomatoes
bonked his head 3 times
cut his finger
eaten dog food
chased the dog around with dog food
poured water out of the tub
fed the dog lexi water from tub
threw pasta all over the floor
broke a halloween statue



learned a new word...damnit!


welcome to the terrible two's

every once in a while, i feel invisible. like i have some sort of superpower that makes me see-through. mostly i feel it when i am driving, in a hurry, somewhere to be.

sometimes i feel it when i am talking to my kids. especially when there are jobs to be done, floors to be cleaned, rooms to be picked up. toilets to be scrubbed, ears to be cleaned, and bedtime to be adhered too.

other days, i feel invisible just being me. like the last person in the family that has a need or a desire. it's not what mom wants for dinner, but what the kids want. or the movie the kids want, or the anything that anybody else wants to do. and that is okay, right? because i am the mom, and i know that is what mom's do. i mean, that is why we have mothers' day, right?

invisibility is occasionally a splendid and freeing feeling. like when i don't feel well, and everybody leaves me alone. out of the spotlight. a good amount of down time is nice for everyone right? to take a break from oneself, the pressures of looking good, setting a good example, saying the right thing. that is nice.

still, feeling invisible can't be good right?

at least fussy can see me. where ever i am, whatever i am doing, i know his little eyes are watching me or watching for me. his little arms frequently are around me. his little hands are always grabbing for me. i think some would find it exhausting, and i do at times. mostly though, i feel needed and loved. like i am the most important person in his life. whatever i might say is interesting, and even though my hair is undone, or i am still in my pajamas, i still look beautiful to him.

i wonder at what age i will become invisible to him? maybe if i am paying close enough attention, i can stop it before it happens.

the trouble with halloween

is the food. and i'm not really talking about all the candy that gets home on that spooky eve. what i am referring to, is the treats and food that make it home, or is made at home, during the month of october.

like pumpkin. pumpkin cookies, pumpkin bread. pumpkin pie. yeah, i know all of this technically last until thanksgiving and beyond, but there is something so halloweeny about having pumpkin cookies.

and the warmish food. like stews and soups and curry and all sorts of heavy wintry stuff. it seems like every year i go on a baking, cooking rampage during the first few months of cold. is it because i want to settle everything down into a nice long routine for winter? i don't know, but all i can say, is it is a yummy month.

last night, i made our traditional halloween sugar cookies. which are good, but always made better by mounds of cream cheese frosting with candy bits on top. to be honest, only 2 kind of candy bits have made the cut through the years. m&m's and candy corn. so i've got a couple of dozen scary moons and orange pumpkins staring me in the face, begging to be eaten.

and that is what will happen in a couple of hours when the kids are both home from school. sure, my boys might get sick from eating so much sugar, but think of the calories they will be saving me from!

the great hair cut

i've been meaning to trim chilly's hair. so you could see his eyes. i like it long. so does big d, but it really was getting too long.

so yesterday, i grabbed the scissors and talked him into letting me trim it a bit. during the conversation, he got to the point that he wanted it short. because his best friend has short spiky hair. so he decided that short hair was cool.

so we went from this:

to this:

doing this:

pretty funny huh?

and for the record, the braid that we cut off, was 7.5 inches long! that is some long hair!

the only down side, was when he woke up this morning, he really wanted his long hair back. he was pretty upset when i told him i couldn't glue it back. and that it was going to take a couple of months to grow out. he eventually was okay, he was just going to go to school and tell everyone he got a short haircut for halloween. lol!