every once in a while, i feel invisible. like i have some sort of superpower that makes me see-through. mostly i feel it when i am driving, in a hurry, somewhere to be.
sometimes i feel it when i am talking to my kids. especially when there are jobs to be done, floors to be cleaned, rooms to be picked up. toilets to be scrubbed, ears to be cleaned, and bedtime to be adhered too.
other days, i feel invisible just being me. like the last person in the family that has a need or a desire. it's not what mom wants for dinner, but what the kids want. or the movie the kids want, or the anything that anybody else wants to do. and that is okay, right? because i am the mom, and i know that is what mom's do. i mean, that is why we have mothers' day, right?
invisibility is occasionally a splendid and freeing feeling. like when i don't feel well, and everybody leaves me alone. out of the spotlight. a good amount of down time is nice for everyone right? to take a break from oneself, the pressures of looking good, setting a good example, saying the right thing. that is nice.
still, feeling invisible can't be good right?
at least fussy can see me. where ever i am, whatever i am doing, i know his little eyes are watching me or watching for me. his little arms frequently are around me. his little hands are always grabbing for me. i think some would find it exhausting, and i do at times. mostly though, i feel needed and loved. like i am the most important person in his life. whatever i might say is interesting, and even though my hair is undone, or i am still in my pajamas, i still look beautiful to him.
i wonder at what age i will become invisible to him? maybe if i am paying close enough attention, i can stop it before it happens.