naive

that is me. i feel like i am always out of the loop. information seems to float just over my head, or just out of my reach. it's not like i don't try, but sometimes, i don't think to be nosey. or ask too many questions. i've been told i am in "my own little world" too much.

i especially feel this way in my ward. there seems to be two opposing groups of cliques. the cool kids and the misfits. i don't fit in either one. until this weekend, i really didn't know that they existed. i mean, i knew they did, but i had no idea what they did. i'm now sorry i know.

i feel bad, but not really. i don't want to be invited to the parties, because then i have to find some good excuses NOT to go. maybe that is why they don't invite us? what i do feel bad about is the people who DO care about that. why aren't they invited?

then i started wondering why the misfit group really was the misfit group. because the husband is not a member? because they talk too much? because they are competitive? because they have some weird tendencies?

other stuff has been going on, even in my own organization. i feel helpless as to how to remedy it. really i can't. i am glad i know, yet in a way, there really is nothing i can do. i mean, i can stand up and say it isn't right, but that won't change what is going on.

ignorance really is bliss in some cases. i want to go back being naive. i don't want to know about the parties, the girls night outs, the clubs, the scrap booking. i want to be unaware about the pandering. the gossip. the dredging of names through mud puddles. it puts lead right in my heart.

the thing about being naive though, is that once it is gone, you can never get it back. you can pretend, but that usually just ends in you looking foolish.